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Here’s something you may not know about Nelson Mandela.

Nelson Mandela Was A Hopeless Romantic

Besides being a freedom fighter and visionary leader, Madiba (Nelson Mandela’s tribal name) was also a starry eyed Lover – with a capital L.

Married 3 times, his love for his 2nd wife, Winnie, got him through 27 years in prison.

From his prison cell on Robben Island he wrote regularly to Winnie. In one letter he wrote:

“Your beautiful photo still stands about two feet above my left shoulder as I write this note. I dust it carefully every morning, for to do so gives me the pleasant feeling that I’m caressing you as in the old days. I even touch your nose with mine to recapture the electric current that used to flush through my blood whenever I did so.” – Nelson Mandela – April 15, 1976.

Electric current flushing through his blood? These are the poetic words of a man deeply in love.

Read more…

Fuck Self Love

How To Stop Trying To Love Yourself, And Start Being Happy

Having spent a lot of my 20’s and early 30’s battling mild depression, I’ve read far too many self-help books in an attempt to figure out why I was miserable with my wonderful life.

At some point, almost every book cited self esteem as the problem and learning to love yourself as the miracle cure for unhappiness.

Not one of the books actually had a step-by-step prescription for how to love yourself.

So, the question I’ve been asking myself for years is:

Exactly how the fuck am I supposed to love myself?

Do I wake up in the morning and hug myself?

Do I look at myself in the mirror (with puppy-dog eyes) and repeat the mantra “I love you, Bruce. I love you, man. You’re awesome!” over and over until I believe myself?

Do I give myself long warm baths and take myself for a massage once a week?

I can tell you, I’ve tried all of these… and although some of them temporarily made me feel better, none of them ever made me love myself any more or magically altered my self esteem at all. Read the rest of this entry

Radical Forgiveness: The Perfect Apology

16 years ago, a woman I was deeply in love with suddenly left me and never came back. I never saw or heard from her again.

I found out via some friends that she had fallen in love with a friend of mine and was engaged to be married to him just weeks after leaving me.

For 16 years, I wondered why she left me… and each year, I’d try to contact her hoping to finally heal the wound that remained so raw in my heart all those years.

Radical ForgivenessToday, 16 years later, she reached out to me and gave me the most beautiful gift.

“I’m sorry”, she said, “really, heartfelt sorry for causing you pain…”

I sobbed and sobbed as 16 years of old hurt and pain (some of which I never even knew existed) began leaving my heart. Read the rest of this entry

Two Big, Embarrassing CONFESSIONS

Before I get to not one but *TWO* big, embarrassing confessions (hell, I’d rather not get to them at all…) let me ask you a question to make myself feel better:

Tell me something…

Have you ever met someone who you felt might be “the one” and then totally “blown it” with them?

Maybe you thought you really had a “chance” of being together forever?

But somewhere along the line, something went WRONG… the chemistry between you was electrifying at first, but over time your connection faded and you began to argue with each other.

Then, either:

  1. one of you ended the relationship… OR
  2. you’re still with him/her, but you feel stuck – feeling trapped or alone in a relationship filled with tension and fuzzy communication.

Either way, here comes my embarrassing CONFESSION #1: Read the rest of this entry

How To Be A Truly Great Leader

Have you ever dreamed of doing something truly great? Here’s what the world’s truly greatest leaders all have in common…

Earlier this year, I met Jean Oelang – the CEO of Virgin Unite, Richard Branson’s not-for-profit organization.

Jean was involved in helping select a group of the worlds greatest leaders (including Nelson Mandela) to be a part of The Elders (read more about them in the box below).

The Elders

The Elders

As I read more about the inception of The Elders, I learned that a strict criteria was used to ensure that only people of the highest caliber were selected for the group.

I personally love this set of criteria and they spoke to me in a way that called me to become the kind of person who could have been selected too.

I’m sharing them here with you in the hope that they will call you to becoming a greater version of yourself and do something truly great in your life. Read the rest of this entry

Are All Guru’s Charlatans?

An open letter to anyone who considers themselves a leader:

Have you ever witnessed an injustice so unfair that you felt compelled to stand up and yell, “FOUL!!!”

Perhaps someone else got the credit for work you’d done. Perhaps you witnessed racial discrimination.

Yesterday, a close friend accused two of my mentors of being charlatans based on speculation they had read on the internet.

The conversation went down like this:

ME: “Seeing as you’re in Bali, maybe you can connect with Roger” (one of my mentors who lives in Bali)

HER: “Yeah… lots of scams going on with him…and there’s also a huge money scandal with Werner…” (another one of my mentors).

And what followed was a stupid power struggle with me defending my mentors and her defending her point of view saying “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire…” Read the rest of this entry

[REPLAY] Practical Love Advice

Here’s an hour of me answering some of the most common questions about relationships and how to make them work:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

In this audio you’ll learn:

  • Why you lose yourself in relationships and how to get yourself back!
  • Why your partner gives you the silent treatment and how to get them out of their shell when they do
  • How to know when it’s time to break up or stick at it
  • How to encourage your partner to express their feelings
  • When your relationship will most likely get stuck and what to do about it if it is
  • How to keep your relationship a safe haven that your partner will keep wanting to return to
Want deep intimacy and to secure your love to last a lifetime? Join me in the Love At First Fight Coaching Program starting online Saturday, 18 August 2012.

“Bruce. Thanks for your teleclass! Hailstorms and turtles.
The cage and the bird! Awesome!”
– NL, New York

“At last! Some practical relationship advice that I can go home and apply right now” – CB, New Jersey

Ninja Communication Skills

Did you watch the 2012 Olympic opening ceremony on Friday night?

I was chatting to a friend about it this morning and we both noted how fun it was to experience the richness of British culture watching the Queen, Mr. Bean and James Bond during the opening ceremony…

Ever noticed how when you visit some countries, you feel pulled into a magical reality, rich with meaning…

…while other countries have cultures that feel flat, repressed or shallow?

You may not have thought about it, but your relationship also has a culture

The two of you give off a “vibe” that others can pick up on. And because you spend so much time with your chosen mate, the culture of your relationship will largely determine how your life turns out, so this is an important distinction.

The question it raises is:

Is the culture in your relationship one that feels welcoming, exciting, and warm with the intimacy that comes from being fully known and deeply seen by your lover…


…is the culture of your relationship one that feels heavy, cold and unsafe, where you both tiptoe around on eggshells to avoid provoking each other?

Which more accurately describes your relationship?

You most likely relate to both, depending on where you are in your lives together.

At one point, the culture in my relationship was like the culture of a war torn country – cold, hard and deserted. It seemed like every communication turned into a fight – every bid for love was seen as an attack.

I had to do something, because despite all my communication skills learned as an internationally acclaimed speaker and trainer, I still could not accomplish the simple task of getting the woman that I loved to respond to me.

The highest leverage point for creating
a “culture of intimacy” in your relationship…

The culture in your relationship is determined by your ability to communicate with your partner in a way that resolves conflict and creates intimacy.

Of course, this skill was never taught to us as we were growing up, so most of us feel emotionally shipwrecked when conflict arises during the Power Struggle stage of our relationship.

I know I did.

I discovered that the communication skills required to get me into a relationship were very different from those required to get me through the Power Struggle stage of a relationship.

So I began devouring every book and course I could find on communication and conflict resolution… And in the process, we learned a new set of communication skills that saved our relationship.

A pleasant side-effect of using these skills has been that we’ve created a culture of acceptance, unconditional love and mutual respect in our relationship, without actually setting out specifically to do so.

Learn a powerful “culture creation” tool

Conflict Resolution skills
I’m making videos as part of the launch of my new Love At First Fight relationship training program, so you can get a feel for what it’s like to learn with me.

I just finished up a new one teaching you a core skill for turning a fight into an opportunity for intimacy.

Click on the link below to watch it.

Ninja communication skills

Talk soon,

P.S. My new relationship training program is opening soon. Keep an eye on your inbox if you already know that you’re interested in joining us.

P.P.S. Even if you’re not fighting with your partner now, someday you’ll wish you had the ability to de-escalate a fight. Trust me on this one.


An Open-hearted Letter About A New Direction

If you read my newsletters then you’re pretty special – and no, I’m not blowing smoke up  your ass! :-)

You are in a very small group of people on the planet interested in becoming a better human being… and that is rare.

So first off, I want to say THANK YOU… for being the kind of person who doesn’t just follow the herd… for being a free thinker… for reading my blog..

Without you, my work makes no difference.

Today I want to share something more personal than usual.

You perhaps know me as the guy who teaches people to be more successful, master their mindset and attract their dream life using the Law Of Attraction.

That business has been generous to me, allowing me to travel, a passive income and the ability to live and work from a beach on an island in the Caribbean.

…and for that, I am extremely grateful.

But the time has come for me to keep growing. Read the rest of this entry

Happiness Is An Inside Job

Mark Berger

Mark Berger

Mark Berger is an interesting friend of mine and every now and then writes a passionate rant (in the form of a newsletter) to his friends. His last one reminded me of something I sometimes forget, so I’m sharing it here with his permission.

Over to Mark:

During the past 16 years I have asked thousands of my delegates “What do you really want? What are your goals and dreams?”

Their initial answers include a variety of “things” such as money, possessions, love, recognition, respect, success, health, wealth, happiness, travel, fame & fortune etc.

Then I push a bit harder and ask: “What is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you want, when all is said and done? What would you actually place right at the top of the list?” Without fail, the majority inevitably vote for Happiness. Every time! (They sometimes also refer to it as inner peace, peace of mind, contentment, joy or fulfillment.)

I must therefore conclude that happiness is a fundamental desire for most people, a primary human goal.

In fact, I believe that happiness is built into our being, hardwired to our soul.

We are all born with a natural capacity for happiness, playfulness, creativity, joy and laughter. But as we grow up life happens and many of us lose it, somewhere in the stress, busyness and pressure of our (seemingly) overwhelming responsibilities.

Or our happiness gets smothered by hurt, loss, tragedy, disappointments, hatred, anger or fear. We therefore disconnect from our core state, our birthright and move into the world searching for something which we have always had inside.

Happiness is not something you move towards. It is the place you come from.

  • It is the starting point, not the arrival.
  • It is the journey, not the destination.
  • It is the cause, not the effect.
  • Happiness is an Inside Job.

The Self-Help movement would have us believe that The Secret to life is to become clear on what you really want, set SMART goals, harness the power of intention and then as NIKE says “Just do it.” Read the rest of this entry

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