5 Healing Conversations To Have After A Relationship Breakup
Ever noticed how your current relationships end up being strangely similar to your past relationships – business or romantic?
Does it sometimes feel like you attract the same person in a different body?
If you’ve ever broken up with someone, or been the one on the receiving end of a breakup conversation, you know that it’s usually a painful process. Also, you probably know how easy it is to carry that hurt and pain into your future relationships…
When you don’t complete your relationships powerfully and with love (i.e.wrap them up once they end such that you feel empowered), you carry the pain, hurt and unnecessary meaning (emotional baggage) from that relationship into future relationships.
To help avoid this destructive pattern, I’ve created 5 short conversations to have with your ex (business partner or lover), so that you both leave the relationship with your power and sense of self in tact.
When my last lover ended our relationship, we went through this process and were in tears of appreciation for each other afterward.
Soon afterwards, she called me saying that she wanted to spend the rest of her life as my life partner. We’re back together now and deeper in love than ever before.
I don’t think that could have happened without these 5 conversations.
Instructions For Having Powerful Completion Conversations
All 5 conversations should not take more than 45 minutes to complete. Be sure to enroll your ex in having these conversations with you before you begin. Tell them you want to create an opportunity for you both to move on powerfully and with love. Make sure they know that the time you invest doing this will not turn into a blame game or insult match.
NOTE: If you have just broken up or are angry at your partner, you may want to wait until the hurt has subsided and you are feeling emotionally ‘normal’ before initiating these conversations.
Sitting opposite your partner, complete each of the following 5 sentence stems. As you are speaking, your partner remains silent and just listens (and vice-versa).
Take about 5 minutes per sentence stem. Once you have completed sentence stem 1, allow your partner to complete sentence stem 1 while you remain silent, listening.
1. Thank you for…
Thank your partner for anything that you feel grateful for, that they provided for you during your relationship…
e.g. Thank you for standing up for me when that guy insulted me.
2. What I love about you is…
Acknowledge things you love about your partner, or that your partner did that stand out as being extraordinary…
e.g. What I love about you is how even when I do the dumbest things, you don’t judge me, but lovingly support me.
3. I apologize for…
Apologize authentically for things you have done that you regret or that might have caused your partner pain during your relationship… Be sure to acknowledge how they may have felt.
e.g. I’m so sorry for screaming at you and accusing you of betraying me during our last fight. I imagine it must have been really hurtful to you to hear that, especially since it was all my own creation in my imagination. I was angry and was not seeing things clearly. Please forgive me.
4. What I’ve learned about myself from being in a relationship with you is…
Share how you have grown and what you have learned from your relationship with this person…
e.g. I learned that true love exists and how to keep my heart open, even when I’m scared.
5. What you can count on me for in the future is…
Share who you are committed to being with this person in the future…
e.g. I am committed to remaining your friend and only speaking kind words of you.
Hints For Having Heart-Opening Completion Conversations
- Before you begin sharing, take a deep breath, relax and feel into your words before you say them. Speak from your heart and from a space of love.
- Look into your partners eyes as you are speaking.
- Sit knee-to-knee opposite each other.
- Don’t fall into the trap of blaming your partner. If you do, these conversations will not turn out well. Own your own experience.
- Don’t use these conversations as a covert strategy to get your partner back.
- If your partner says something during one of these conversation and you feel hurt, keep breathing, consciously relax your muscles in your body, and do not interrupt them. Know that they may be feeling hurt too and that the biggest gift you can give them is allowing them to feel heard.
- Keep moving swiftly through these conversations. 5 minutes per person per conversation should be enough.
I hope that this tool helps you as much as it has helped me. Please let me know your results using it.
These 5 conversations will work not only for completing romantic relationships, but also friendships and broken business partnerships etc…
Also, feel free to add more stems if you are inspired to.
P.S. Please leave me a comment below and let me know what you learned, ask a question, or share a success story from using this technique.