This blog post is a stretch for me. It’s a stretch because it’s raw and vulnerable as hell. I actually considered starting another blog under a pseudonym so that I could write my deepest thoughts and feelings anonymously, but then I realized that was a cop out.

If I let fear of judgment get in the way of expressing who I am and what I’m learning, how will this blog ever be of service to you?

So, here goes…

Have you ever felt like you’ve had your heart ripped out from deep inside you when a romantic relationship comes to an end?

I have.

Four weeks ago, my lover Amy (not her real name) decided to end our relationship.

At the time, I was traveling alone through Southern Africa on my motorcycle when I heard the news over the phone from one of my best friends, Dave (also not his real name)… “Dude, didn’t Amy tell you? She’s leaving you and wants to date me… and I want to date her too…”

It was 6am and I was watching the sun rise on a beautiful summer morning in Africa.

Within milliseconds, the reality that the woman I loved was leaving to be with one of my best friends set in, my heart began to race and my breathing became shallow.

I could feel my body being drugged by my brain as it released a concoction of neuro-chemicals into my bloodstream, designed to reduce my consciousness to that of a cat being dragged towards water – sheer panic!

Within minutes, my hopes of a future with the woman I loved crumbled into nothing before my eyes…

I hung up the phone and tears began streaming down my face. My chest physically felt sore and my body started convulsing as if I was having a heart attack, and in some sense I was.

I cried and cried…. Tears of despair and loss…

Unanswerable questions like “What did I do wrong?” and “What does Dave have that I don’t?” and “Why, why, why?” constantly ran through my head like a stuck record player.

I became desperate… desperate to quiet the voice in my head and to feel ‘normal’ again.

I spent many days feeling like this and it only got worse until eventually sadness became my permanent reality.

So, I did the only thing I knew would work to get me back to loving my life again…

I surrendered to my heartbreak…

One thing I’m sure of is that the degree to which you can allow your feelings to be OK is the degree to which you can freely choose what you want to feel.

Read that again…

If you don’t allow your feeling to be, you wind up trapped with how you feel – with no choice or freedom.

Said another way, when you resist feeling what you’re feeling now, the feeling just persists.

Resist for long enough and your feelings grow into resentment and you’ll carry them around as baggage for the rest of your life until you allow yourself to feel them fully.

Not a happy picture, right?

Back to my story…

I was totally resisting my feelings of heartbreak while telling myself that I wasn’t…

I told myself, “I have a business to run and can’t afford to waste any more time feeling like crap. “

That so didn’t work!

So, after weeks of feeling sad, waking up in despair and frustration, I chose to embrace my pain.

  • When I felt sad, I allowed the sadness to bring me to tears… until it didn’t anymore.
  • When I felt angry, allowed the anger to move me, take me, own me… until it didn’t anymore.
  • When I felt betrayed, I yelled four letter words to the sky… until I didn’t anymore.
  • When I felt frustrated, I called my friends for support, and they listened to me patiently until I was done.

Eventually, I became empty…

…and there was nothing left to experience.

With nothing more to experience, I emerged anew…

…and for the first time in weeks, I’m feeling human again. I’m seeing possibilities for my future and I like what I see. I’m moving forward with more and more grace every day.

You can do this too…

You can always dissolve your painful emotions by surrendering to them, not resisting them, and letting them move you and pass through you.

When you do, not only will you feel free again, but you won’t have to accumulate the emotional baggage of carrying around the feelings you resist for the rest of your life.

You know people who do this, right? They walk around with a cloud over their head all day long.

But this is not about them, it’s about me and you…

What feelings are you resisting right now?

Maybe you’re upset with someone? Maybe you’re angry at someone? Maybe you’re disappointed at how your relationship, job, health or life has turned out.

Are you willing to feel your pain fully?

If you are, healing your feeling is not going to be a walk in the park, I promise you that. It’s probably going to feel awful – for a while.

On the flip side though, it won’t last long and you’ll be free… and that’s a pretty good deal if you ask me!

Like most secrets to success, surrendering to something you don’t want seems counter-intuitive… but it works.

So, I invite you to take a moment today and sit with those feelings you’d rather not feel.

  • Go somewhere private and visualize what happened that made you feel that way. Really get into the visualization and relive the experience.
  • Then when you begin to feel as you did then, don’t resist your feeling. Surrender to the feelings you feel and allow  yourself to really experience them and pass through you.
  • Keep going until you are empty.
  • Soon you’ll be free of them… and if the feelings happen to surface again, know that this just means that there is more experiencing you need to do. I’ve learned from personal experience that the more you resist feeling your feelings, the longer your process will take.
  • Good luck and remember to be gentle on yourself throughout your journey.

Part 2 of this blog post is now available here and Part 3 is here.

With love,

Bruce

P.S. What did you learn? How you can apply this distinction to your life? Please leave a comment below and let me know… I’ll be happy to know that my process has benefited someone like you.

Showing 112 comments
  • Leslie Beard
    Reply

    Bruce, this is a great post. I really got a lot out of it. Much to digest. I just wanted to leave a comment right now to say thank you for your courage to share it.

    Leslie

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Thanks so much Leslie. I started this blog so I had a space to post more of these kinds of things. This is what juices me!

      With love,

      Bruce

      • Rebecca L Norrington
        Reply

        Bruce,
        Loved your honesty!
        However, there is another level to personal growth that would ELIMINATE ALL of the “drama” YOU created.
        1. Anytime you base your happiness with anyone or anything OUTSIDE of self you WILL eventually be dissapointed and hurt.
        2. What if “Dave” didn’t want to support you and stand by you…would you still love and admire him? Basically, you’re setting yourself up to feel good or bad based on someone elses behavior. That formula WILL bring dissapointment EVERYTIME!
        3. Being “hurt” is a choice! You choose your emotions, we all do.
        4. All of the feelings you felt bc of the breakup are CONDITIONED reactions!
        Example: When my FATHER died in 2008, I CHOOSE to feel good! I choose to be grateful for all of the memories we shared.

        Dig deep and answer these qestions.

        1. There were signs, long before the breakup, that this relationship wasn’t in your best interest. What were the signs that YOU ignored?
        2. Why did you give the responsibility of YOUR happiness to someone else?
        3. Why did YOU CHOOSE to suffer?

        I could go on however I think you get the point. Bruce, you KNOW I love you and I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t express it!

        Sent with Universal Love and Gratitude,

        Rebecca L Norrington

      • Jennie
        Reply

        Dear Bruce,

        Thank you for sharing your comments on your heartbreak.I was so sorry for you at the time but did not realise the whole story.
        Your comments helped me so much and for this I thank you most sincerely. After we saw you at that Cape Town restaurant, never did I think I was going to be in the same situation. On arrival back home G broke up with me. I was devistated. I knew how to deal with some of it but you just confirmed everything to me,and I thank you so much. I know this is a great learning situation for me, and I am now moving on. Not so easy in Velddrif but I hope to change that as well soon.
        It was so good to meet you after a few years reading all your articles.
        I do not seem to be able to down load Mind Mastery, please could you send this to me.
        Best wishes and lots of love and success
        Jennie

        • Lily
          Reply

          @ Rebecca L Norrington,

          That sounds really good on paper. And am sure its a good theory if human beings can evolve to that level of thought, but the truth is, majority of us are still struggling with our emotions. Case in point Bruce. Which is ok….because the healing takes us to another level, where we can evolve to the point whereby we’re able to ‘choose’ how we feel at every point in our lives.

          I totally believe in taking responsibility for my actions and what I attract in my life. How I react to it emotionally, is entirely another matter. ….and most of us have not reached that level of being able to ‘choose’……we are still trying to find our way….and I would say Bruce is well on his way and his technique for overcoming that emotional challenge, is an inspiring one. I know plenty of people who will find this an easier way of getting over their hurts. Peace and love to you. 🙂

          • Rebecca L Norrington

            Hi Lily,

            I loved YOUR response to my response. You are right…of course! ! Lily, believe me, I’ve suffered countless emotional breakups like everyone else…however I got tired of reacting the same way bc I didn’t like how it made ME FEEL!

            Sent with Universal Compassion,

            Rebecca L Norrington

  • Jonni La Force
    Reply

    Such a wonderful, wonderful reminder at a perfect time, of course. Thanks for being courageous and true Bruce. I needed this push.

    Excellently written.

  • Fiona
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing so openly. It helps us all to feel ‘normal’, loved and supported, and thank you for offering advice to us through your own personal experiences.

  • PAT
    Reply

    Hi Bruce,

    I’d wish you strength through the pain, however, you seem to be coping quite admirably. And thanks for the reminder that ‘what we RESIST, PERSISTS’, and is that ever so true. I have never thought of applying that to the emotions of an ended relationship, even though, as you have just shared with us, it can. This was a truly brave move on your part, I felt my heart really opening up to you as I empathised with your experience.

    Thank you for your honesty, I find it quite healing!

    Warm Regards,

    PAT!!!

  • Marie
    Reply

    Thank you, Bruce, great post. People in general,not just guys, have a tough time with allowing their emotions. Our society does not encourage it, and that’s half of it – we don’t allow ourselves. But when you think about it, it’s really emotional constipation, isn’t it? Just as painful and very unhealthy.

  • Saleha
    Reply

    Gosh Bruce, this is such a great post, I am feeling exactly like you were but I will definitely apply your advice. Hope it works for me as it did for you. I even considered suicide but deduced that it’s just a cowards way out. Thanks for your advice.

  • Gerrit
    Reply

    From one guy to another, I take my hat off to you Bruce… Well done on doing this post.. Sharing is also a great way to get rid of those feelings and thoughts that you so accuratly explained about. I think that we all have different ways to deal with these situations, but at the end of the day it comes down to, having nothing left to lose, can leave you not wanting to go on, or it will leave you doing more than you have ever done, and being better then you have ever been.. It’s not a choice any more, it’s a realisation of life… well said buddy… hope to read more soon.

  • Hannah
    Reply

    Dearest Bruce, You’re an inspiration.
    Thank you for allowing yourself to enlighten,
    for have the courage to nuture your heart by accepting yourself,by greeting yourself in whatever emotional place you may be… letting go of your desire to be happy and merging with your pain until it has been transcended and you stand like a phoenix born out of his ashes…
    I hope that I find the courage to greet my heart, to always be at one with myself, even if my mind does not agree and my body might cry out, whe the moment comes where i must do so.. i am lucky to already have been inspired, knowing that all of us must walk through the fire to become the enlightened beings of light that we all truly are. Sending you all my love and blessings/ Hannah from Lund, Sweden

  • Malcolm
    Reply

    Hello Bruce I went through a similar experience about ten years ago. What wisdom I gained was that the subconscious mind is the book of life and what I wrote in it by the nature of my habitual thinking, imagining and what I choose to focus on became my reality. Whether it was fear of loosing what I thought was the most important relationship that I could ever have or if there was a higher reason why this happened to me. My heart would prompt me to stay focused on the love that I already received and look forward to the new and beautiful love that was every present in the now moment. But it took me many years of searching to let go of what could have been or might have been to realize that this moment is the only moment that I could experience joy in. So in time,I let go of the hurt feelings that keep me living my life as a point of view of what had happened to me rather than living my life in the now moment. Presently I am in a beautiful relationship with my now wife in an ongoing spiritual journey with ever new bliss.

    • Kathleen T
      Reply

      Hi Malcom,
      What a lovely post, I couldn’t help but reply, so full of hope and love, I also believe it’s the letting go that brings forth the new,
      Continued success to you and your new love.

  • shanna
    Reply

    Hey bruce. As leonard cohen so beautifully put it in a song, “there are cracks in everything, it’s how the light gets in” … Got to know the darkness to know that light, the bad to understand the good.. This is the yin yang of life. So you have to embrace the pain and sit with it and ride it and then allow it to open you up, and not close you down ! It seems this experience has opened you, not easy ! Love and light, shanna xxx

  • Brian Walsh
    Reply

    Hey Bruce

    I feel your pain, in fact I am going through the exact same thing now. I haven’t read the whole blog but will later. Just wanted to touch sides and say lets catch up some time.

    Regards
    Brian Walsh

  • Bonita van Dijk
    Reply

    I don’t know if this is the right place to reply..but Im so emotional I cant even think straight..I have tears in my
    Eyes and I am trying to hide it because im at work and I am the boss..not suppose to show any emotions..
    This morning I have decided to ran away from this “ripped out your heart” feeling, cause I don’t know how to handle the pain..until your email popped up..
    I have even hid my emotions from my friends trying to show them i’m fine , cause they see me suffering!!!
    Thanks for sharing your info with us!!!!!!
    Regards
    Bonita

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Bonita, I hear you. Thank you for sharing.

      Go home after work and take the time to read this blog again and then follow the process and begin feeling your pain.

      Tell your friends about your feelings – not from a “poor me” place, but form a place of being vulnerable and inviting them to see and share in your process.

      Feel it. Feel it for as long as you need to.

      Your emotions will come and go in waves, and that is OK. Just be sure to ride the next wave when it comes.

      I salute you Bonita.

      Bruce

      • Vanessa
        Reply

        The one thing that we as humans are afraid to do is to show our vulnerability.

    • Lily
      Reply

      Bonita,

      I agree with Bruce. Allow yourself to feel the pain, cry if you need to…..just keep in mind, one very important fact,….. the Sun will shine again. After all is said and done, you will be okey Bonita. You’re stronger than you think and so much more braver!

      with my warmest and fondest wishes!…Hugs!

      Lily

  • Melanie Joy Vertalino
    Reply

    Bruce,
    Remember one thing next time you are feeling vulnerable and questioning whether or not to post something like this, how many other people have been right where you are? I feel complete and total empathy for you, as I have been there too. I think we all have. And sadly, we have all been taught that “crying is for babies” (my Italian dad & brother tell me) and to keep our emotions inside and to “be strong.” But, when does any of this stuff really help us? Never! I was taught in a Louise Hay workshop, to always, always, FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, then let them pass. In a world where new thinkers like us are actually considered the “weirdos” it’s really refreshing to know I am not alone and others feel the same. With your vulnerabilty, who knows, you may have just saved a life? As we both know bottled up stress and emotions can lead to illness and even death. So, thank you for sharing your true feelings my friend. And it’s always nice to humanize yourself to the public. I already like you more for doing it!! And, please remember, when any woman leaves you, it is not because of you, it is because of HER. You never know what is going on inside a woman’s mind, and as wonderful as you may be, she may have her own issues, that have absolutely nothing to do with you. So, questioning or blaming yourself isn’t necessary, although I know it’s hard to not think that way. Your friend doesn’t have anything you don’t. But, maybe they are a better fit? In the long run, I promise you, someone much better suited for you will come along and you will be glad one day! I am a Law of Attraction coach, with my niche in relationships, so, I have a clue. LOL. If you ever need a friend, feel free to drop me a line. You have my email address!! I wish you the best of luck, but, I have a feeling you won’t need it! Thanks for being so open, I hope this made you feel better and supported!

    Warm wishes,
    Melanie

  • Cesar
    Reply

    How I wish to have the same courage and guts that you shared with us! Thank you, Bruce, for inspiring us to face our own storms. I’m in a similar situation right now, though it’s not about a relationship. I got to know you when I looked for references on the Law of Attraction. Now, I really feel how relevant this is, especially when you need something so badly. Keep up your good work!

  • Trisha
    Reply

    thanks…

  • Karima
    Reply

    Thank you dear Bruce ! This post is just amazing for the truth and courage it is all about. I totally agree with you on just embracing our feelings no matter how painful they are and let them pass till we are empty. It takes a lot of courage to do so yet I believe it to be the best choice. Really inspiring post!

    Keep up your great work 🙂

  • Roz Messenger
    Reply

    Hiya Bruce
    Thanks for sharing how to handle tough emotions.
    BUT how was your motorcycle trip through Southern Africa? Would love to hear about that.
    Move on and let go – change your mind and your life will follow.
    All the best
    Regards
    Roz

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Roz, the bike trip was a of a disappointment for me, becasue I was not present to really experience it. I was on the road by myself for 14 days and 7 days in I got this news about Amy leaving.

      Next time I’m taking a friend with me!

      • Lily
        Reply

        🙂 Great!!! So, next adventure beckons!…..You’re inspiring. Keep up the good work.

        L.

  • Roger
    Reply

    Hi Bruce, thanks for sharing. This can apply to so many relationships in our lives. Right now I know people who are going through this exact same heartbreak and I would like to share your blog with them if you have no objection.

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Roger I would be thrilled if you would share it with the world!

  • Sandhan
    Reply

    Bruce,
    I admit I was a bit cautious as I opened your email and even read the opening line……
    “I’ve just written what may be the most vulnerable blog post I’ve ever written”

    I confess that the cynic in me went, “yeah, right… another one of those crappy marketing ploys…says he’s going to expose himself, pretending to be vulnerable and it turns out to be a load of *#(%*&^(!!!”

    But I stand corrected, I am delighted to say; for once someone who dares to get real and tell it like it is instead of giving us the flannel!

    I honour you for writing one of the most heartfelt and sincere blog posts in a long while…even more sincere and deep than many of our well known and so called gurus who rarely get this down and dirty.

    And yes.. the Alchemy of Transformation asks us to be with what is… to feel what’s going on, whatever it is… to not resist, to experience it 100% and not fight against it or try to numb the pain or go into denial. And miraculously when you can be with it and not run away, eventually as you so rightly explain, the baser metal (the pain) will transform into the gold of an open and loving heart.

    I see you, Brother

  • Fatima
    Reply

    Bruce, I am going through something similar. Not the heartbreak, but the realisation that you have to surrender to the things you don’t want… It’s like accepting what Life has given you and allowing it to shape you. It is always for the better. When you give in to the bad feelings to whatever you’ve been resisting, and accept it, suddenly there is peace. And things start to get better.

    I’m learning with you Bruce.

    God – willing, you will find the woman you’re meant to be with.

    Peace and blessings
    Fatima

  • Sarah
    Reply

    Dear Bruce I have to thank you for this amazing story. I totally agree with your point of view. I have to thank you because today it hit me!! I have been resisting & runnning away from negative emotions most of my life & there you are giving me the key to my misery. I’m now willing to face my fears & feelings & rise above them..THANK YOU. this is such an amazing life lesson for me to sober up & get it over with. 🙂

  • Susan
    Reply

    Dear Bruce. Thank you so much for sharing this. I still remember how paralyzing the physical pain was even tho it was many years ago. It happened on christmas eve so I had a constant reminder every year. The most amazing part was how very kind and warm people around me were. I didn’t have to talk about it (I guess they could see I was having a problem). The one thing that gave me release was sending love to that person. I didn’t want to because I was enjoying the hate and hurt and resentment (not really, just stuck there) and it was like the pain had wings and took flight. I did repeat it a couple more times to make sure it was gone. When I saw the person for the 1st time in 20 years, I could actually see that my vision of them had been off and I would have never had a great life with them so it all worked out. Give yourself time to get your balance back. It is such a physical wound like being stuck in the chest with a knife, and that would take months to heal so allow the physical healing time too. I resented not being able to curl up and lick my wounds privately but I was working to support my daughter. It actually helped the recovery to go to work every day and focus even for a short time on something else. One foot in front of the other. all the best. Susan

  • Merry ong
    Reply

    Hi Bruce, thanks for sharing your experience with us, and for the inspiration. but in my way, I dont have to do like that, because I never have that experience before. when I felt dad, I just hang out with my friends or went shopping centre by my self, because I knew, I will get the best of what I want.
    will waiting for next post

    Regards,
    Merry Ong

  • John
    Reply

    Bruce
    Thanks for sharing this.
    Only this morning I have had feelings of hurt in my marriage that I needed to face.
    My wife has taken some actions that have been very painful to me emotionally.
    Just reading this, accepting the way I am feeling and allowing the feeling to wash over me has been incredibly therapeutic. (just writing this reply even more so!)
    Funny how things come to you just at the right time isn’t it?
    Thanks again.
    John

  • Maja
    Reply

    being vulnerable is being couragious and strong Bruce, thank you for sharing. It took me two years to trully embrace the feelings of abandonment when my long term relationship ended, but once I did embrace those feelings I was free to give myself, my ex-partner and his new partner the love and compassion we all deserve, it was easy and incredibely liberating to be able to say: I accept the past the way it is (I call that forgivness), I do not need to ask questions, blame or resent, I just accept and move on.

  • Derick
    Reply

    Thanks Bruce, Its an eye opener and It makes sence. Will try it…

  • Saff
    Reply

    Thanks Bruce for your insight on resisting. Maybe you were meant to go through this phase so we could learn from a true life experience of yours.
    I personally have been going through life ignoring all conflicts which in turn have manifested in debt and being diagnosed with MS 3yrs ago. Thankfully I had unknowingly experienced the passing of emotions, my MS has slowed down to a crawl and the debt is almost wiped out. As the saying goes “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”.

    • Lily
      Reply

      🙂 I soo totally agree with you on this!…..am a true believer in, ‘everything happens for a reason’. Even when you can’t see or comprehend what that reason could be, at that time.

  • karen
    Reply

    There are angels out there, with timely messages. Bruce, bonita, malcolm..so many open hearts and me trying to cauterize a wound that needs to flow. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your words this morning have already changesd the course of my day. You are all needed. Blessings, love and light.karen

  • Christa
    Reply

    You asked what was wrong? Dave was with your ex-lady-slave, while you appreciated something, which was important to you, without her. And then you were told that when you come home from your adventures life, your lady-slave will not be waiting and not be of service to you.
    As long as you are not ready to share your life with a partner, you will never have a real girl-friend. In case she did not want to come with you, she was not the right one for you anyway.

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Christa,

      I hear the upset in your tone and I wonder what had you call Amy a lady-slave?

      Allow me to clarify what happened and put you in the picture.

      My motorcycle trip was created for Amy to show her my wonderful homeland of South Africa. I bought a new motorcycle that would be more comfortable for her than my old one, especially for the trip.

      She chose not to come on the trip a week before we were due to depart. I imagine it was becasue she was preparing to leave anyway and did not want 2 weeks on a bike with a man she did not want to be with.

      Lastly, she was not with Dave at the time. He lives in another country.

      My point is that you’re assuming and I imagine that is has nothing to do with Amy or I, but that something similar has happened to you in some form or another and that you got your buttons pushed reading this.

      If this is the case, maybe you would like to try the exercise I describe in the post about feeling your pain.

      I wish you well.

      Bruce

    • Susan
      Reply

      You are sadly wrong. My man has gone away to do things he enjoys and I do not. I would never say: “I do not want you to enjoy yourself without me.” which is what you appear to be saying. Would take your man with you when you go out with your girlfriends? Would you let him come with you if he wanted to? Would you stay home if he told you he didn’t want you to go? If you answer “yes” to any of these questions I pity both you and any man who gets involved with you!

  • Jan
    Reply

    Hey Bruce,

    This revelation about your personal life and feelings could not have been easy to share…respect to you!

    When I was reading it,some emotions even went through my head from the’loosly termed’best friend to the callous way (no pun intended)to end a relationship.

    I also have been on a similar road and made that decision to get over it because the only one I was hurting was me!….and that was a choice!Don’t get me wrong…it also did hurt and I also had those similar questions:Why me..etc..

    It does make you stronger…I always call these’Character building challenges’while those events in my life have given me experiences and valuable lessons.

    I am a very positive person and have moved onwards and upwards,realizing that we can’t change the past,it is our duty to live every day to the best of our ability and work towards an even better tomorrow! 🙂

    ….I am glad your friend stuck with YOU…a great friend indeed!

    Thanks for sharing….REALLY appreciated Bruce!

    🙂

  • Nicole
    Reply

    Hi Bruce

    I just really want to commend you on opening up & sharing your feelings, something I know is not always easy to do, especially more often for men as they sadly are too often taught from a young age that you don’t show your emotions & vulnerabilities. I have 2 sons & am trying hard to teach them that sharing your emotions & allowing themselves to feel them is a good thing. I am lucky in that I’ve always been a talker/sharer…i’m told I’m an open book, (this has helped me through many heartbreaks in my life). My sister has always been the opposite, she’s always bottled up her emotions & they have found other ways of manifesting themselves…she used to hyperventilate until her fingers went into spasm when she was very stressed or upset & had terrible excema that started at about the age of 12…every test was done to see if she’d developed some allergy, to finally find that it was due to the baggage she was holding inside of her. It lasted about a year or two & eventually disappeared. About a year after having her first child she was hospitalised with a clinical depression & started intense sessions with a therapist & therein started her healing,(unfortunately she stopped & the way I see it, has not worked through her stuff enough because she still carries a lot of anger, unhappiness & resentment around with her & struggles to feel happiness for other people because she is still carrying pain & negativities around with her). I am going to suggest to her to read your blog & hopefully it will speak to her as it has to so many others. Thank you for this & I am sure you will find someone deserving of you…Amy was just not the right one for you, (still hard to see now I know)! Allow yourself time to grieve the ending of the relationship…it could take some time yet before you are completely over the heartbreak. You’ve made a great start! 🙂

    Best Wishes
    Nicole

  • Charmaine Treherne
    Reply

    Bruce, well done for learning the secret to emotional health! We are neither taught, nor teach our children, how to handle strong feelings. The ONLY modelling of how to deal with feelings – especially pain and hurt – is often TV characters who upon being hurt, stressed or angry, either reach for a drink of alcohol, or beat somebody up. Even capitalism perpetuates this shortcoming in our society, by promoting the propaganda that pain = bad and pain – which is really a natural trigger or alarm that something in the living system is out of balance – needs to be ‘killed’, thus pain-killers etc.! So you have seen now that pain is not something bad, it is in fact a portal through which one steps into healing and freedom. Much love.

  • Udisha
    Reply

    Hi Bruce

    I apply ur concept to my everyday life. My bf calls me cry baby buntun because I cry everytime he hurts me. I scream when he angers me. I experince Evry emotion there is,raw and uncut. He wil back me on this. But I tel u very honestly IT DOES NOT WORK

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Udisha, if you keep on crying over and over and nothing changes, it’s becasue you are never feeling deep enough into your pain to truly move through it, so it keeps coming back.

      Think back to the first time you remember feeling that pain as a child and feel that pain, all the way through until it is done.

      Then make a commitment to behave differently, in a way that will bring you what you want.

      Bruce

  • Bar
    Reply

    God bless you Bruce. I would like to say that I am very happy for the wonderful woman that you will share your life with! Having a significant other that shares his feelings and thoughts is a gift. Don’t settle for anyone that is not willing to give you that gift in return. I know that in a future blog you will share with us how you have found the perfect woman for you. Amy has given you such a gift. The gift of feeling your feelings and the courage to share them with us. Thank you Amy. Thank you Bruce.

  • Barry
    Reply

    Bruce – you’re going to put all the blues singers out of business because it’s not supposed to be this way. You’re supposed to go;

    I woke up this morning’
    heard some bad news on the phone
    The woman I’d been lovin’
    was gonna leave me all alone

    She was playin’ with my best friend
    Felt like the biggest fool in town
    But I’ll be the last one laughing
    ’cause I know what’s goin’ down

    chorus
    Yes, I’ve washed my wounds
    in the waters of the well
    and what the future brings
    Ain’t no livin’ soul can tell

    OK, Muddy Waters’ crown is probably still intact!! 🙂
    Just trying to give you a laugh mate!!

  • Lily
    Reply

    Hey Bruce,

    Wow!!!…..This is sooo amazing! And am so proud of you!….I just finished reading this post and I felt like applauding!….Thank you for having the courage to write this. I wish most people could be that brave, coz I know this is gonna help so many people who are going through more or less the same thing.

    I know exactly how you felt. I’ve been there and I healed the very same way you’re doing now. (I think there’s no other way out of it, if someone wants true healing)…..most people bury their feelings and they fester into hate and resentment, which basically means that it gets harder and harder for them to attract what they want, which is true, lasting and fulfilling relationships.

    All the best to you my dear and my prayers are with you.

    Cheers and God bless.

  • Heather
    Reply

    I just think while the cats away the mice will play. Maybe your to blame because you are away from your girlfriend to often or to long. Still I agree with your concept of dealing with emotional pain.

  • Maria Healy
    Reply

    Bruce,

    My pain started a year ago and I still feel it so VERY deeply. I have cried and cried. I have spoken to my friend on and off for all of that time. I have surrendered to the pain but still it carries on. The pain is so bad at times that I dont know what to do. I still want him back. I can’t invisage my life without him. I have tried everything. I just want him back in my life. He has moved on and now with another partner but I can’t. None of this has given me any answers………………….

    • Lily
      Reply

      Hi Maria,

      Ask yourself this question?…..why do you want him back?…..Is his love the kind of love that you deserve?….If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t have left you. You say you can’t envisage your life without him, why?….what does he have that other men don’t?…..I think you don’t appreciate yourself enough, otherwise you’d want someone who loved you, loves the very best and the very worst of you…if they can’t do that, then its their loss, because am sure, you have unique gifts to offer. And untill you really learn to appreciate yourself and love yourself a little more, that pain is going to persist.

      Take a break from feeling his loss and (self pity?)…and start looking at yourself….really looking at yourself….what assets do you have to offer?…..believe me, am sure you have plenty…..Love them, treat yourself and tell yourself you deserve better….. Believe you have the capacity to make any man want you…and they will come flooding.

  • Else Slagebro
    Reply

    Hi Bruce!
    Thank you for sharing. I have been an expert of repressing my feelings through my life with bad results of course, so I know what you are talking about. But I am accepting my feelings better and better. Your inspiration is great. Good good luck in your life. I’m convinced that you’ll soon find the love of your life.

  • Rosa
    Reply

    Bruce this was very powerful. I intuitively knew that something was going on. I find that strange but also realize how we are all connected. For weeks I have been reading your emails and watching your authentic videos and then I realized that I hadnt rcv’d any for a hot sec. I said a prayer for your peace and then I got this email. I’m sorry for your hurt but you have to know that this particular dream wasn’t big enough for who you’ve become. It’s a blessing in diguise and you just haven’t seen it yet. Peace and Love to you and your heart. Goodness and Mercy shall follow you all the days of your life, becasue well being is your birth right! Smooches, Rosa

  • Michael
    Reply

    Bruce,

    Appreciate the honesty and intensity. My wife has recently left me, triggered by a deeply moving self-awareness workshop, and I can tell you that the pain has been immense. I’m also hurting from three years of misdirected energy, which now seems such a waste. So I found your post very useful, thank you.

    Be well,
    Michael

  • Jacqui
    Reply

    Hi Bruce
    Already you are healing because you have shared your story and the sadness that you had to deal with. I also commend your courage to do so! Thinking of you and wish you well.
    Regards
    Jacqui

  • wendy
    Reply

    Hi Bruce,
    Thank you for the reminder! Not trying to control my emotions so they won’t end up controlling me is something that I work on often. Your graciousness for yourself and for sharing your vulnerability is a shining example of a teacher continuing to learn. It’s as important a lesson to me as the tool for letting go of painful emotions. This is one of the reasons I continue to admire you.

  • Cheryl
    Reply

    Thanks, Bruce, for giving step-by-step instructions. I’ve heard many times that what we resist persists but I never understood that well enough to stop resisting and move on.

    We are teachers to and students of each other and I appreciate your sharing this lesson.

  • Ren
    Reply

    Dear Bruce thank your sharing your vulnerability and pain with us –
    I learnt so much from reading your post ; the process of accepting all emotion and embracing it was insightful – so often it is more acceptable to be sad but not to be angry and I accept the only way to heal is to really deal with all the emotion.
    I also went through a dark night of the soul last year and instead of visitng a psychologist for multiple sessions to talk through the pain decided to face it head on so understand some of what you are saying. It was raw and hard and real and painful!
    I dont want to detract from your post but when I saw you in Cape Town on seminar your vulnerabilty give you such lightness & authenticity ( dont really know how to express this ) and I was so suprised to see that the Bruce in the flesh looked nothing like the photos on this blog. ( Better actually)
    I thank you for the courage to post this – in this you are such a great teacher and a repeat lesson for me – if you cant share your vulnerability others cannot support you.
    Blessings and light Ren

  • Wayne Bruyns
    Reply

    Hi Bruce,

    A very brave post, well done!I certainly agree with addressing the emotions, I am in a somewhat similar situation, there are a few realities that make things so much easier to deal with,everything is temporary enjoy it while it lasts,in such a situation I,choose to believe that something better is out there for me, I prefer gratitude for the goods times shared rather than focus on the perceived loss, where did i learn these things mmm Muzik and De Martini, keep up the great work.

    Wayne.

  • Jan Polak
    Reply

    Hey Bro,

    Thanks for sharing your heart.

    I acknowledge you for your openness, vulnerability and courage. Truly remarkable.
    Particularly, as a greatly accomplished person and a Success Coach it is so easy to get protective and pretentious when an extensive group of followers hangs on your every word and action to learn from. Yet, not sharing authentically is exactly what robs them of real transformation. Well done!

    All I can say from my personal experience is that every time I ever suppressed my feelings and fortified myself in my head, my life just went on hold – not only it did NOT become easier to deal with the upset but also something died in me as result and it was just a shadow of me walking around.

    It’s not easy to remember that life is a gift to be experienced in its fullness when emotions overwhelm us…but it makes such a big difference despite the discomfort!

    As Robin Sharma says: “What you resist will persist, but what you befriend will transcend.”

    Love ya…and keep on sharing, life is richer because of you fully sharing both your mind and your heart!

    Jan 🙂

  • Levine
    Reply

    Bruce, as much as the Law of attraction is beyond the realms of mundane understanding of many yet, so much for quantum physics. Yet, as much as those of us following your blog are following your teachings on the LOA, without questioning the mechanics or dynamics behind this law, we should be the ones also open to another force beyond this plane. We may call it witchcraft, voodoo or whatever else but do bear in mind that some people are paying hefty price to ‘hook’ a girl with this. I would suggest you delve deeper into your friend’s character in case you were ‘stitched’. i’m living proof of one such experience and only an idiot would rubbish this.

  • Shelton Kartun
    Reply

    I was so elated to read not only the blog but also a lot of the resonating that took place within others. Emotions is my work, my passion and my profession and it is so true as to how it came to you to process those feelings.
    Every emotion/ feeling is a gift for us human beings so they are normal and natural to surface in response to situations we experience. The different emotions sit very close together and sometimes they cause confusion as to which one we are feeling, sometimes we slip into the wrong emotion when we are not comfortable with another (eg we feel upset and jump into anger). Nevertheless, emotions surface to serve a purpose and we must embrace them and work through them, learn from them and come out stronger.
    Anger can bring about change. Sadness allows you to reflect. Fear puts you on high alert, and so on.
    We must not bottle up our emotions as this can be detrimental to our well-being on many levels. See your emotions as a gift so you can learn, grow and emerge stronger. No matter what the ‘bad’ experience might be that you have had, there will always be a key learning to learn from it, and this aids your growth as an individual.
    Blessings Shelton

  • Cindy
    Reply

    Big hug to you, Bruce. Thanks for being so brave and sharing. 🙂

    Cindy L. McGinley
    Black Horse Consulting
    Spirited Life & Wellness Coaching
    for Equines/Equestrians

    wwww.blackhorseconsulting.com

  • Michelle
    Reply

    Wow Bruce!

    Very brave indeed! Real honesty has the power to open hearts. Hi 5 and a big hug to you! Very inspiring! Keep striving for the unconditional love…

  • Muriel
    Reply

    Wow! That’s all I can say. Oh, and life goes on. 🙂

  • Kathleen T
    Reply

    Hi Bruce,
    What can I say only thanks for sharing your pain,your heart break,
    I love reading your posts,they are so inspiring, even here I can hear your hope.
    Best wishes Bruce, your new life full of joy is waiting for collection xx

  • Michele A
    Reply

    Dear Bruce, I’ve been there and lived through this before. I resolved to come out of it a better person rather than a bitter person, and slowly but surely it worked. Sharing your story will support your readers who may or may not know what to do when something like this happens. It’s so hard to think right at first, and your advice is so good. Let it flow, and let it go. Thanks so much for sharing. We go through these kind of things sometimes and think we’re the only one that ever felt this way. But… we’re not. 🙂 It’s great that you’re thriving again, too!

  • Cathy winston
    Reply

    Bruce, I love reading your stuff coz it just resonates with my view of the world but well done for your honesty on that one. When your mind races to complete the happy picture and then it all unravels it is devastating. Keeping busy is one of the old wives tales to get through it but reading your thoughts, I agree that the time feel it and all the crushed dreams is way better. Thanks for taking the time to share that. Good licknwith life love and business. Cathy

  • Dawn
    Reply

    Dude, i think you should feel free to let go of your girlfriend AND your “Friend”. You’re not obligated to be Understanding. Don’t be a hero!

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Dawn, I don’t feel that they have done anything wrong. I am responsible for how I feel not them. If I blame them, then I am just being a victim and have no power.

      Amy and Dave were just being human and as much as their choices were not what I would have wished for, I have to honor that they are free to choose whatever they want. I also have to take responsibility for having attracted this into my life.

      Amy and Dave will be my friends for a long time to come, not becasue I am some fool who can’t cut people out, but becasue I love them both as unconditionally as I am capable of.

      Also bear in mind that there is a lot more to my story than I had space to write about. I am just as much responsible here as they are…

      • Levine
        Reply

        Bruce, for once i think you sould take some advice from the other end and stop kidding yourself mate. Whatever the other bit of info you could not share with us, bottom line is if you both knew the relationship was strained, you could have talked this through or make your own ways amicably. As far as im concerned your friend is a backstabber. This may not be along your lines of thought but you are human and they dont deserve your friendship

        • Bruce Muzik
          Reply

          Levine, Thanks for your concern. Trust that I am big enough to know what I’m doing and that like in any breakup, there is a lot more to the story than you know.

          I can’t just stop two people I love being together. That would be immature, selfish and not honor the love I have for both of them…

          And I get how it could look like I am kidding myself. I’m not.

          Bruce

  • Rebecca L Norrington
    Reply

    Bruce,
    Loved your honesty!
    However, there is another level to personal growth that would ELIMINATE ALL of the drama.
    1. Anytime you base your happiness with anyone or anything OUTSIDE of self you WILL eventually be dissapointed and hurt.
    2. What if “Dave” didn’t want to support you and stand by you…would you still love and admire him? Basically, you’re setting yourself up to feel good or bad based on someone elses behavior. That formula WILL bring dissapointment EVERYTIME!
    3. Being “hurt” is a choice! You CHOOSE your emotions…we all do.
    4. All of the feelings you felt bc of the breakup are CONDITIONED reactions!
    Example: When my FATHER died in 2008, I CHOOSE to feel good! I choose to feel grateful (instead of sad) for the time we DID have.
    5. Time does NOT heal! To heal you have to change your thoughts.

    Dig deep and answer these qestions.

    1. There were signs, long before the breakup, that your relationship wasn’t in your best interest. What were the signs that YOU ignored?
    2. Why did you give the responsibility of YOUR happiness to someone else?
    3. Why did YOU CHOOSE to suffer?

    I could go on however I think you get the point. Bruce, you KNOW I love you and that’s why I was compelled to respond.

    Sent with Universal Love and Gratitude,

    Rebecca L Norrington

  • Sue
    Reply

    Bruce –

    Many blessings to you, and it is great that you’ve already healed so much – including your friendship.

    I want to thank you for this post – it comes at an especially pertinent time for me, too – but I also want to thank you for choosing to post here, rather than under a pseudonym. It takes real integrity, courage and strength to open yourself this way.

    What a gift you have given to all of us!

    Continued healing and much new joy and peace –

    Sue

  • Hannah
    Reply

    Hi again Bruce,

    Since me leaving à comment for you yesterday something has happened. I came home about 23.15 yesterday… Roughly 10 mins later the polis was knocking on our door.. They told My mother that her father , My grand father was found dead in his car.. The situation is so complicated…there are so many regrets. Mum & “morfar” as We say in Sweden , had always had à constrained relationship.. And she so regrets not calling him in the weekend.. She had had an urge to call all weekend.. We were supposed to visit him since november… But the weather, work, life “got in the way”… There is so much pain.. I am afraid of feeling it.. Of feeling the regret … My own & My familys… Regret.. Why didn’t i??? There is so much to be healed… We have to burn to ashes and get consumed by the fires of our regret..or We Will never release the pain gathered over many generations… Why? How DO i release My regret?… I spoke to him (morfar) yesterday after recieving the news..i asked him to stay With me, i asked him to help… Help us heal… We love you… I believe that the messages that came to me are his but can i be sure?… What should i DO? I told him ( when he still was alive) morfar i really Hope We Will meet soon.. I want to give you à painting… But i never gave him à painting.. Is it too late? Can i still give him à painting?

    What DO We DO now?

    I lost My aunt the same way… Many regrets… Never saying goodbye.. Letting life “get in the way”

    I am sad … We are sad

    Please help us heal..

    Is he okay? …

    • Hannah's Grandfather
      Reply

      Dear Hannah,

      Of course the messages you hear are fromme – trust!

      Just talk to me as you’ve driving or write to me…

      I will hear it. No need to regret… In death we can heal now…

      Write to me all you wished I had been for you, and how I got it wrong. Write to me how I was for you and teach me now how I can get it right for you even in my death.

      Ask your reject why it is here? What do you want to say to me about that? How would you have liked it to be? Lets have it be THAT way… Lets have it be that you did it how you wished you could have been…

      It’s okay to be sad… and when the rivers of sadness have carved you to hold more light go out and go a good dead in honour of me, fulfill a dream and make a difference in my honour. THANK YOU…

      Keep sending me love, hope, goodness, and share your truth with me… Don’t hide anything from me – share it all…

      And see the angels responding, and teaching me to do good…

      I love you Hannah – and while I may not have said it as often as you needed to hear it, I DO!

      Love
      Morfar

      • Saff
        Reply

        Bless, that was soooo sweet 😀

      • Bruce Muzik
        Reply

        Beautiful!

      • Hannah
        Reply

        I know it was so long ago.. but thank you=)

  • Zen-zen
    Reply

    Wow!!!
    Thats all I can say Bruce…just read the blog.
    Went to the similar expirience 4 years back,I cried a lot bruce, and I thought I was over the pain and anger until the guy came back to town last year. After not talking to him for 4 years, I decided to confront him and guess what he passed away.

    As I am reading this blog, the feeling of pain,anger and betrayal just came back. As a person I believe in confrontation and closer, guess what? I cant do that now because the guy is dead.

    I salute you for your honesty Bruce!!!!I hope I could be as honest and strong as you with my feelings, I realised that it still hurts and I need to free my self either way cause He’s not coming to me or on planet earth.

    Thanks for this Bruce!!!!
    God bless you.

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Hi Zen-zen,

      You can still express your feelings to him even if he is not physically here anymore.

      All you need do is imagine he is in front of you and that you are having a conversation with his spirit.

      Tell him what you need to say and listen for his response…

      It can he very healing.

      Take what you get and use it to move on…

      With love,

      Bruce

  • Urs
    Reply

    Hi Bruce

    Life isn’t so easy. Every relationship has sometimes something we couldn’t understand. In your situation she told you 2 weeks before that she don’t want to come with you!

    So at that time you really discussed the situation or you only agreed that you would like to go alone. At that time she got you a sign that something isn’t ok but I think with all your positive living the life you didn’t heard the answers from your subconscious mind.

    Every partnership is going in the same way. Not only love also on work. You have good feelings and then is working good. You have bad feelings then it’s working not so good. In a good relationship you hear the problems and you see it with your third Eye.

    Otherwise look in the mirror, that is you and in every bad situation only you can give you the answer.

    Years ago I let my family alone and walked away. I made all for me but I forgot my family. The end was the divorce and I had to begin a new life. My first thing in my new life was talking with my Ex wife and to find some good things for us all. Today I can say that my Ex wife is one of my best friends and nobody is knowing me better than her.

    So first thing is to visualize your life and to find all the good things around you. Then try to be happy and bring your energy back. Look every day in the mirror and be aware that the face you see is you.

    Enjoy all what happened and all what will coming, then all brings you more in your own life.

  • Robert
    Reply

    We are born ALONE and when we die we go ALONE, what we do in the mean time is measured in terms of the happiness it produces, for ourselves and for people around us.

    But amazingly the things that will produce most happiness to ourselves are when we make others happy.

    That is usually through LOVE, but when we force that mechanism, ie: you “love” other person to achieve your happiness (selfish)… it produces the opposite result.

  • Yvette
    Reply

    Hi Bruce,
    Thought your article was honest and insightful. Thank you. While I do believe you (one!) create your own drama, I am also mindful that the reason why the drama is created in the first place is to heal some hurt that you’ve been carrying around. I liked how you’ve actually dealt with this instead of doing the macho thing and sweeping it all under the carpet. Soon you’ll get to a point where you can thank her for the part she played in healing an area of your life that needed healing…maybe not yet but soon. As Gary Zukav says “When you assume responsibility for what you experience and share what you experience in a spirit of companionship, that is the same as forgiveness. When you hold someone responsible for what you experience you lose power”. In forgiving Amy and Dave, you’ve taken your power back, healed yourself and moved on. Way to go. When you’re next in Riebeek Kasteel, give us a shout.

  • Nathalie
    Reply

    Hi Bruce, it was very generous of you to share your experience of your break up and in a way that shows how you dealt with it successfully so others can learn from it and apply it to their lives. I always read your emails and watch your videos and learn a lot from them. You did some coaching for me some time back and one thing you said has improved my life tremendously. That was not to undervalue myself and to charge what I am worth, which I do now successfully. Love and relationships are not easy. I too am single but with so many other positive aspects in life it really doesn’t matter too much. I wish you continued success. Just enjoy your life and chill. Best wishes, Nathalie

  • Nathalie
    Reply

    Bruce,

    First of all, you are a wonderful writer,

    I learned a lot and because your post was referred to me by my friend Sandhan..I knew it was special even before i started reading it.

    Thank you for sharing your experience..Wow.. I truly felt your pain.. I am an artist so can do with my paintings what you do with words…

    I WILL continue to share this…I am so glad to have met you here on your blog… It’s a very special place..I will come back 😉

    ~ Nathalie
    P.S. May i share this: “One thing I’m sure of is that the degree to which you can allow your feelings to be OK is the degree to which you can freely choose what you want to feel”. with your name?

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Nathalie, feel free. The more people who get this message the better.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      Bruce

  • Marie-Suzy St-Louis
    Reply

    Bruce.

    Thank you for sharing this and I am glad that my friend Sandhan Australia did share it. A lot of people tend just to put the nice stuff out there and don’t really talk about the real life experience. I admire that you put yourself out there and really talk about real life situation. This shows to me that you are human an not perfect as the world wants to look.

    I’m living a very frustrating time right now with my “JOB” and it keeps getting worse. I didn’t want to let people see that was is done to me is unfair and that I am more than frustrated about it. Because I want to show a good side, strong side and show that it doesn’t affect me. Well after reading this it just pin point me and showed me that I must live all the emotions about that situation until I am no more angry and frustrated about it.

    I will deal with my situation like I wanted to because for me it’s the right thing to do.

    Thank you for writing this, I know that if I stumbled upon it, it’s because I needed this.

    ~Marie-Suzy

  • Amy L Harden
    Reply

    Bruce:

    This is a powerful article teaching how to “Let go”. I deal with this at my Women in MLC Forum all the time with the husband’s…not necessarily the women….it is mostly the person who is on the receiving end of the bomb that gets flattened emotionally.

    Many women in MLC drop a bomb on their spouse…just like Amy did on you…at least Women in MLC tell their partner “I love you but I not in love with you” before they cut out and go with another man…in your case or in their cases the “Shock & Awe” of this bomb is enough to throw them or bury them in depression, resentment and bitterness.

    Your article is probably the most authentic and open I have read other then at my forums…I thank you for sharing your pain and your process. Many men AND women need to know how to release their pain, anger, hurt and frustration so they can get back to the business of life. I hope you don’t ind but I will be sharing your article with my Forum community as the men will benefit greatly from it!

    Along with the process you laid out in your article, I would also like to add that there is strength in knowledge also… discovering what may have caused the event to happen…what can you do better nest time and what signs and marker do you need to keep and look for to prevent this from happening again. You know…small little mental notes of lessons learned that are not resentful or bitter anchors that you drag through your life, but mental caution flags that are triggered by your gut when they are needed.

    Thank you for sharing your heart and revealing your soul! This was POWERFUL!

  • Michael Skirving
    Reply

    Dude … you travelling alone? … on a m/c? … South Africa? … and you wonder? … it was coming … otherwise you would be there!

    • Amy L Harden
      Reply

      I didn’t address this…the Why? this might have happened in my response…only the process you went through to let go and heal. I hate to say this but I had a similar reaction to Michael’s about the Motorcycle trip alone and the length and then wondered how much you did this sort of thing??? Why would Amy pick this trip to dump you and tell?

      At my forum for Women in MidLIfeCrisis, 85% of the women who walk out suddenly or cheat had had to deal with partners or spouses who traveled for long periods of time, whether it was related to work and or pleasure….or a combination of both. Many expressed deep loneliness and abandonment; feeling that if they expressed this to their partner they would sound needy or too dependent. Women also think that men will figure this out on their own…First, big mistake on the ladies part…men don’t get this….you must tell them…some men need to be told many times before they comprehend. Many women admitted to turning to their husband’s friends or co-workers for company or encouragement…some looked elsewhere within their own close Circle…like the coach of the kids baseball team, the church committee or a fellow co-worker….None intended to have the relationship change or end.

      I make these comments not to hurt or offend only to help and encourage. I still believe your open and honest approach to your anger and pain is commendable…

  • galaxy
    Reply

    Hi Bruce
    Your authenticity is beautiful and I love how open you are with Life. The personal touch of your work sets you apart from all other mentors out there showing that you are truly human, sharing your heart with the world, and sharing knowledge and teachings through your life experiences. You are incredibly special!!
    I would date you anyday 🙂
    X Galaxy
    South Africa

  • sally
    Reply

    Dear Bruce, Wow, you are a wonderful person, you shared your sadness with us, and I think that was so good of you, I am right in the middle of a broken heart, and reading that I felt your pain, I have been sooo sad for sooo long, and I can’t let it go. I will be reading your blog a few times and will try to do what you have suggested. Thank you so much for sharing your private, private thoughts I bet you have helped a lot of people, you have helped me.. PS I think you are such a great guy, and I love your attitude. All the best to you, and I look forward to reading more of what you have to say.

  • clare
    Reply

    Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the teswt or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” – Pema Chodron

  • Wendy Lieber
    Reply

    Bruce – great post. So dead on about not being able to move on until we deal with ourselves and our feelings. thanks for opening up and sharing.

  • Venessa
    Reply

    Hey Bruce….

    It’s Nes, sorry to hear things didn’t turn out the way you had hoped for. Doesn’t matter how much we plan out our life, it always throws a curve ball or 2.

  • Jessica Kizorek
    Reply

    You’re a stud. If I wasn’t so gay I’d slurp you up and make you mine. 🙂

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      I love you too Jess! Hope you’re healing fast.

  • Alexis
    Reply

    Wow, it was so refreshing to read your post because it validated my experiences of surrendering to my feelings. I became afflicted with OCD about 5 years ago and because I am an action kind of person, I began to systematically work on as many healing modalities as I could to control the symptoms and eventually heal myself entirely. The most important part of my healing came from having the courage to face my fears and anxieties – allowing them to move through me like an ocean wave. I keep picturing myself stretched out on the sand with anxious thought waves moving gently over me and moving out again. It was an astonishing success in terms of staving off the terrible obsessions and their resulting compulsions. Then, I began to open my mind and soul to experience the underlying feelings that contributed to the OCD. I had to face the feelings and surrender to the awesome pain of allowing long suppressed memories and emotions to come forward and be released. As you said in your blog, it felt awful – but eventually, I emerged transformed. Getting OCD and eventually releasing it through surrender (which is really just amazing courage) has been the most profound experience of my life. Thank you for your blog – I feel connected :).

  • Donna
    Reply

    Dear Bruce: Thank you so much for your blog! It really helps to know that I don’t have to feel this way forever. A quote that helps me is: “What you resist will persist, but what you befriend will transcend.” Robin Sharma

    I know you will find a lovely person to love you. You deserve it.

    With gratitude,

    Donna

  • SG
    Reply

    @ Rebecca Norrington.
    Your post kinda annoyed me. Pain after a break up is not a conditioned response. It is pain. It’s natural, it’s normal and it’s human. I think Bruce’s response to his pain was actually unconditioned and brave. Most societies feel that if you express your pain you’re weak. A conditioned response from Bruce would have been to act like nothing is wrong and remember the ” good memories.”
    To feel is human and to grieve should be encouraged.
    SG

  • Rosanna
    Reply

    Bruce, there’s nobody who can understand you better than me. As a matter of fact, I’ve just been dumped in a similar way by my live-in bf, who left after EIGHT years, while I was attending classes. I think that the hardest part is that something as abrupt and conniving as this leaves you, well, speechless, wounded, injured. It would be different if you would have gotten dumped face to face, or if the love ended. When you get dumped while you are cheerfully doing something else, you question ALL the time together, and obsess over the lies, what you could have done to see it coming, how you could have protected yourself better.
    I’m doing the same thing you are suggesting… I’m thinking about it, even obsessing about it, in the hope that if I feel it all NOW I’ll recover sooner. Some days are easier than others… and sometimes I think that having too much (in terms of beauty, intelligence, and charisma) make us more vulnerable to this kind of stuff.

  • Gloria
    Reply

    “What you resist persists” Karl Jung; or “When you have touched bottom the only way is up”.
    I agree (from a totally different experience that did not included any human being) that it is 100% like that. In other words: as long as you resist to get the teaching the Universe is trying to deliver, the same sort of things will continue to happen until you embrace them, grow in the process, release them and move on. As the hindu says: there’s only a continous present but if you choose to stay in the pain of what is gone, no new doors will ever open for you, ’cause you will be constantly looking at the one who closed behind you.
    Good example. No doubt the best option is to empty yourself to be renewed.
    Regards.

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