The Relationship Manifesto
The Secret Of The Elders…
Last week, I had the great privilege of befriending Jean Oelwang – the CEO of Virgin Unite – Sir Richard Branson’s not-for-profit organization.
Jean has met some pretty influential leaders in her time working for Sir Richard, and she told me a story that inspired me and confirmed something I’ve suspected for a long time.
Jean shared with me that she spent a few days on Nekker Island with The Elders.
The Elders is a group of the greatest peace makers and social revolutionaries of our time. It was founded by Nelson Mandela, is chaired by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and includes people like Kofi Annan and Jimmy Carter.
Recently, Sir Richard charged Jean with the task of observing and studying The Elders (during their time on his Caribbean Island) to find out what they all had in common.
Want to know what Jean discovered?
It’s not what you might think…
What world leaders all have in common…
Jean discovered that each member of The Elders had an extraordinary relationship with their husband or wife.
That was the ONLY thing she could find that they all had in common.
I’ve long suspected that the secret key to achieving great things in life is to build a loving, intimate relationship. Napoleon Hill even talks about it in his classic book, Think And Grow Rich.
So, what is it about relationships that fuel such greatness in men and women?
I suspect it is that feeling of being INVINCIBLE that comes from feeling loved and supported unconditionally by someone who knows you inside out and accepts and loves you warts and all.
As a man, there is no more intoxicating feeling than having my lover look into my eyes and feel her heart radiating her love and devotion. In those moments I feel I can conquer the world with her by my side.
Ever noticed how after a deeply intimate moment with your partner that you feel inspired?
For me, I feel inspired to give my greatest gifts to the world – to write or create something. It’s as if intimacy is the gateway to accessing my life purpose.
Have you experienced this too? If so, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below…
Here’s another theory I believe:
In my experience, romantic relationships are the fastest way to transform and grow. When we face the fears that romantic relationships inevitably bring up, we begin the process of healing our core childhood wounds… Wounds that manifest in beliefs like,
- I’m not good enough
- I don’t belong
- I’m unlovable
- I’m different
- etc, etc,etc
It seems that we all inherit some core limiting belief about ourselves as we grow up… and the place these beliefs get triggered the most are in romantic relationships.
However, when we do ‘the work’ in our intimate relationship and use it as a crucible for our mutual transformation, we can heal the wounds from our past.
And when we do that, we can go on to do great things in the world becasue our attention shifts from a kind of narcissistic ‘me me me’ quality to a more inclusive ‘us us us’ quality.
It’s similar to the emergency procedure on an airplane – get your own oxygen mask on first and then help others with theirs.
Once we have taken care of ourselves and healed our core wounds, we naturally want to turn our attention to our loved ones, our community, our society and our planet.
Have I tested this theory? No.
But I feel this movement inside me every time my partner and I connect deeply and intimately – essence to essence instead of mask to mask. I feel the desire to be a better man – to focus on making a difference – to give my gift to the world.
And that is why I’m dedicating this next stage of my life to helping couples experience deep intimacy, connection, love and healing in their relationships.
Because the world needs more conscious couples.
The world needs more whole people.
The world needs more social revolutionaries like The Elders.
The world needs more love.
And in my opinion, relationships are where it’s at…
P.S. I’d be curious hear if you’ve had similar experiences in relationships. Please let me know in the comments below… and then share this post on your Facebook wall if you liked it.
P.P.S. If you want to develop the kind of relationship that acts as a crucible for your transformation, check out my Love At First Fight website.