In Blog, Relationships
Jean and Sir Richard

Jean and Sir Richard

Last week, I had the great privilege of befriending Jean Oelwang – the CEO of Virgin Unite – Sir Richard Branson’s not-for-profit organization.

Jean has met some pretty influential leaders in her time working for Sir Richard, and she told me a story that inspired me and confirmed something I’ve suspected for a long time.

The Secret Of The Elders…

Jean shared with me that she spent a few days on Nekker Island with The Elders.

The Elders is a group of the greatest peace makers and social revolutionaries of our time. It was founded by Nelson Mandela, is chaired by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and includes people like Kofi Annan and Jimmy Carter.

Recently, Sir Richard charged Jean with the task of observing and studying The Elders (during their time on his Caribbean Island) to find out what they all had in common.

Want to know what Jean discovered?

It’s not what you might think…

What do our great world leaders all have in common?

Jean discovered that each member of The Elders had an extraordinary relationship with their husband or wife.

That was the ONLY thing she could find that they all had in common.

Interesting, right?

I’ve long suspected that the secret key to achieving great things in life is to build a loving, intimate relationship. Napoleon Hill even talks about it in his classic book, Think And Grow Rich.

So, what is it about relationships that fuel such greatness in men and women?

I suspect it is that feeling of being supported by someone who has your back. The confidence that comes from feeling loved and accepted warts and all by someone who knows you inside and out.

As a man, there is no more intoxicating feeling for me than having my lover look into my eyes and seeing her devotion. In these moments I feel I can conquer the world with her by my side.

Ever noticed how after a deeply intimate moment with your partner that you feel inspired?

For me, I feel inspired to give my greatest gifts to the world – to write or create something. It’s as if connectedness is the gateway to accessing my sense if purpose and creativity.

Have you experienced this too? If so, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below…

Love’s Dirty Little Secret

In my experience, romantic relationships are the fastest way to transform and grow. When we face the fears that romantic relationships inevitably bring up, we begin the process of healing our core childhood wounds… Wounds that manifest in beliefs like,

  • I’m not good enough
  • I don’t belong
  • I’m unlovable
  • I’m different
  • etc, etc,etc

Most psychologists agree that we all inherited some core limiting belief about ourselves from wounding experiences as children. You don’t have to have been abused to have been wounded emotionally. These beliefs show up most painfully as adults in our romantic relationships.

Can they be healed? Yes. When we do ‘the work’ in our intimate relationship and use it as a crucible for our mutual transformation, we can heal the wounds from our past.

And when we do that, I believe we are far more likely to go on to do great things in the world. Why? Because our attention shifts from a kind of narcissistic ‘me me me’ quality to a more inclusive ‘we we we’ quality once we have healed our childhood wounds.

It’s similar to the emergency procedure on an airplane – get your own oxygen mask on first and then you can help others with theirs.

Once we have taken care of ourselves and healed our core wounds, we naturally want to turn our attention to our loved ones, our community, our society and our planet.

I believe that this natural progression in my own life is why I’ve felt moved to help couples experience deep intimacy, connection, love and healing in their relationships.

Because the world certainly needs more conscious couples.

The world needs more whole people.

The world needs more social revolutionaries like The Elders.

The world needs more love.

And in my opinion, relationships are where it’s at…

Bruce

P.S. I’d be curious hear if you’ve had similar experiences in relationships. Please let me know in the comments below… and then share this post on your Facebook wall if you enjoyed it.

P.P.S. If you want to develop the kind of relationship that acts as a crucible for your transformation, check out my Love At First Fight relationship repair program.

Showing 33 comments
  • Pamela Cournoyer
    Reply

    Bruce,

    This is an outstanding blog post. I am becoming more and more invincible as I have improved my relationship with my loving Michael.

    I want to personally thank you for doing this research and learning more and more about how to connect more deeply and intimately with my spouse. Your workshop was life changing for me and I help people with communication all the time. Your workshop just made me so much better. Thank you, thank you is not enough.

    Marcello, do take Bruce’s workshop, you will learn very quickly how to connect to the opposite sex.

    Blessings,
    Pamela

  • Amine
    Reply

    Hey,
    I really appreciate the article. It reflecrs some ideas I’m thinking about those days.
    Actually we (me & my partner) are very aware of the mirroring fact we are doing to each other. She is sharing with me many of her psychological issues and she is acting strangely many times with me. Should I give her acceptance and love (which I am working on doing it) or should I visualize on a “more” ideal partner?
    I find it very tough to give love while being exposed to negativity.
    May be that’s the lesson I have to learn.
    Can you insight me please?

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Amine, if you’re asking of you should give your partner acceptance and love, then you are already off track.

      Love relationships only thrive when built on a foundation of acceptance and love.

      Start there.

      Then go check out my Love At First Fight program at http://www.LoveAtFirstFight.com

      It will teach you how to navigate recurring patterns on conflict in your relationship and create a love that lasts a lifetime.

      Love

      Bruce

  • Catherine
    Reply

    I am just going through this in my relationship right now – I left for a temporary separation because we were becoming verbally and emotionally abusive to one another – we both have been strongly triggered in our partnership now that the ‘honeymoon’ period is over – and insecurities and control issues abound. I don’t want to cut and run, I see this as a tremendous opportunity to grow and evolve together, if we can figure out how to overcome these blockages… I wonder if living apart is going to help or hinder this process.. When I left I was physically terrified of my partner and who he had transformed into, and we have a young child, so I feel apprehensive about rushing moving back in as a family, however I don’t want to lose the opportunity to really hammer things out and move forward together — thoughts??
    Interesting article, about the world leaders… I’m definitely sharing that tidbit with my partner 🙂

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Catherine, I applaud you for having the courage to return to the relationship and use it as an opportunity for growth. You man is a lucky man to have you. Get a good relationship coach to guide you. It will make the process a lot easier and faster (feel free to contact me personally if you’d like me to coach you guys).

      Bruce

  • ofentse
    Reply

    hi bruce
    my name ofentse nyakale from the east rand in south africa
    my nightmare is getting hold of your audio disc(relaxation for manifestation) surely you know who orders the most from our country
    please bruce if can help me i want this product its been 2months im in the gauteng province

  • Mosun Amure
    Reply

    Thank you Bruce, Have always wondered what was missing in me ever since my marriage broke down. Have always knew I wasn’t functioning the way I used to but could not point a finger at what is it that is missing.

  • maria
    Reply

    Absolut reality but what if they just cheet on you and be whith four at the same time and you where in love an get surpeised so hurtfull that you can hardly stay a live and i did felt the power love gives you to be complete creative and so many things and its so sad that ends bexause some one lied to you for two years

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Hi Maria,

      Yes, I know that pain. There’s nothing to do other than feel it fully. Betrayal sucks… and on the other side, you have a huge opportunity for growth should you 1) choose to reconcile and rebuild your love or 2) choose to move on.

      I recommend getting a relationship coach to help guide you.

      Bruce

  • Marcella Guerrero
    Reply

    Dear Bruce

    One of my downfalls in finding the right relationship is “I don’t know how to talk to men”. Would you have any advice for me?

    Kindest Regards

    Marcella

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Hi Marcella,

      I suspect it is not so much that you don’t know how to talk to men, but that you get nervous around men that you are attracted to. If you can get to the source of WHY you get nervous and deal with that issue, then you’ll find it gets easier and easier.

      I sometimes get nervous around women that I find extremely beautiful. I remind myself that they are only human and that they have the same human wants, fears and needs as I do. It helps me take them off that pedestal.

      Bruce

  • Carol McMurray
    Reply

    Hi Bruce,I think i understand what you are saying,but i have had one marriage and a partner both were a compleat disaster,the only time i have been succesful was when i was alone.
    After my last relationship i lost almost everything and almost my sanity,but i have picked myself up found myself a job that i enjoy and love doing. I do know and understand i must in some way be attracting these people and situations to me but i sure dont know how to stop this.

  • Richard
    Reply

    Absolutely true!
    I can say from the opposite stand-point, if I was waiting for results from a job interview or a big deal deal to go through…no matter how confident I was beforehand, when I had an arguements with my wife or was unpleasant to her….things would usually always flop by Monday. But now, we’re on really good/close terms and I can even believe the sorts of good news hitting me at least a few times a week for the past year!! Really exciting!!

  • Dan Ondiege
    Reply

    It’s great to know that they all have extraordinary relationships with their spouses. I didn’t expect that to be the case, but it makes total sense. It’s been a while Bruce, hope all is well!

  • Cris:Gladly
    Reply

    Wow. This is crazy timing that I’m stumbling across this post today (say it on KC Baker’s wall) as I have just embarked (a month ago) on a research project about the nuances of a healthy love relationship very much from the deeper mindset that love relationships ARE essential to being the best Self we can be in the world. And also agree with you, that while single time is valuable and important, we really do only see our deepest triggers (and therefore have a chance to truly work on them) when we are in relationships (our romantic relationships being the deepest of those connections and most powerful of those training grounds). My project is called <3::Solo Me and it is about exploring the space between my Self Solo and my Self in relationship as I tentatively approach the dating world. (http://gladlybeyond.com/solome) I am so printing this blog post out Bruce and adding it to my research notes to refer back to. I know I'll want to reference it in a post/article in the months ahead as this project continues to unfold. Really really great info and insights. 🙂

  • KC
    Reply

    Hi Bruce
    I love this post.
    What an amazing thing about The Elders to share. Thank you!
    Ever since David, my fiancé, came into my life, my dreams of being more full myself and of service in the world in a big way have been coming true. There is something about going to bed and waking up with someone you love more than words can say- and the utter joy of that- that gives the nourishment to go out in the world and play big, serve big.
    Thank you for this wonderful post.
    KC

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Thanks KC. Just emailing your hubby today! 🙂 See you in Vegas on the weekend.

  • Tshepiso
    Reply

    Hi Bruce, it sounds like something worth investing in, I have also suspected that when you have a partner who truly loves you and understands you that should give you some sort of boost to face the world. I have never been in a relationship where we both have deep feelings for each other, I haven’t found it as yet, I’m still single today, in and out of worthless relationships. Love has always evaded me, its either ‘she’ will love me to bits but I don’t feel that way about her, or, ‘I’ will have strong feelings towards someone and they will not feel that way about me, I’ve never been in a mutually loving relationship, but I can imagine it must be the best thing and feeling to live with. So I support this 100% and I’ll remember this when I finally find that soulmate.
    Tshepiso

  • Rich
    Reply

    Awesome Bruce!

  • Moira
    Reply

    Great blog Bruce and I can really see how this is true particularly for men and was just wondering do you think it is also true for female leaders? I cant make up my mind.
    I would love your oponion.
    Thinking out loud I wonder, if you have a great female leader and she is being supported in a very loving relationship can the polarity in the intimate relationship have more potential for imbalance hence cause a bit of a wobble. As a womas it seems it could but would love to hear what you think from a male perspective.
    Cheers
    Moira 🙂

  • Louise Beetge
    Reply

    Yip – agree – you are known by your friends – please intruduce me to Richard xxx

  • Roger
    Reply

    It is great to know the core of the successful and rich people as the core beliefs about ones existence are transformed by an intimate and loving relationship between two indiviuals who fuel the rocket of well being and success in life. It is all about the focus and inner peace that one needs to project and attract.
    Many thanks for the information provided to enhance the life experience and to expand the thinking levels.

  • Vishal
    Reply

    I found that my last long term relationship brought up a lot of insecurities in me that I was not aware of. It happened to my partner too. We had good times, however, for certain reasons the laughs, happiness and team building reduced until it got to a point where we both knew it was over.

    I have been single for a year now. Focusing on creating a great life and becoming happy by myself. I feel this will attract the right partner for me.

    Thanks for the blog post Bruce!

    • Bruce Muzik
      Reply

      Thanks Vishal… and here is a common misconception:

      IMO, it’s a mistake to think that you need time single in order to heal so that you can attract Mr or Mrs Right. Of course, your own clarity and level of development will influence who finds you attractive, but know this:

      When you are single, you don’t get your core wound triggered like you do in relationship.

      It seems that it is only in a romantic relationship that we project our parents onto our partners, and all our issues with out primary caretakers surface…

      So you can be as happy as a clam, then fall in love and get happier, but when the honeymoon period is over, you’re going to find that your partner will trigger you just like the last partner did – or, you’ll be bored and leave.

      My point is that no matter how happy you are by yourself, you’re still going to be triggered by your romantic partner and THEN is when the real work begins IMO.

      Relationships are 100% on the court. When we’re single, it’s easy to avoid dealing with our emotions… When we’re in relationship – not so easy.

      And that is what I’m here to help with.

      So enjoy being single…

      …and when you meet “the one”, be prepared for an exhilarating ride of falling in love and then be prepared to do some work… especially when you or her wants to leave.

      I recommend to single people that when they meet someone they are interested in that they ask that person whether or not they are willing to look at themselves and work through their emotions with you when the shit hits the fan.

      I also recommend asking them how their last 3 relationships ended. This will be a good indicator of how they react under stress. Did they stay and work on making it better, or did they run. Did they blame or did they take responsibility.

      It’s a lot easier to be in relationship when you’re with someone who embraces transformation than when you’re with someone who runs from it.

      Bruce

      • Cassandra
        Reply

        Well as a woman of many words (usually), I can respond briefly… with a cliche: ‘You’ve hit the nail on the head, Bruce.’
        PS Could be longer… Ever heard of Human Design? Get ‘googleing’. THIS really gets to the heart of understanding the ‘you’ without the conditioning. Truly, truly,(did I say truly?) tranformative and great for any relationship enhancement.
        No, I haven’t cracked the relationship thing yet… 2 marriages down but not out!!

      • Deborah
        Reply

        Although I agree with most of your ideas, I take exception to the suggestion that if someone’s last 3 relationships did not end well that is an indicator of their future. In many cases, especially with women I believe, we partner with men who in the beginning seem committed to work through any issues that arise but as time goes on it becomes increasingly clear they are not. I know this can happen to men too, but as a woman I can only speak from my own experiences and those of other women I know. In some cases the man begins to blame and attack the woman instead of choosing to take responsibility for their part (my current situation). After years of counseling & efforting without real progress a woman is left feeling burnt out and lost as she realizes the man she thought was committed to her is really not… even if she’s married. At some point if she chooses not to numb or distract herself she has to either detach, continue the journey of healing alone and eventually find the courage to leave or keep hoping he’ll eventually wake up while the years tick by and no one is really thriving as you described. Too many counselors & coaches say that if just one person changes the other one will too, but that is not always the case. Some people seem willing to settle for less in life and not do the work. Many will just blame finances or children for keeping them stuck. Sometimes it just becomes increasingly clear that the best choice one can make is to move on despite all the challenges & uncertainty that will bring. That is not about running away in my view. That is about courage and self love. One has to take the time to understand a potential partner’s past experiences & their current state of mind before deciding. In some cases a divorced person or a person who had to make difficult decisions to move on deserves way more credit than what it might initially appear.

        • Bruce Muzik
          Reply

          Hey Deborah,

          I think you misinterpreted my meaning. I didn’t actually say “if someone’s last 3 relationships did not end well that is an indicator of their future.”

          I said, “I also recommend asking them how their last 3 relationships ended. This will be a good indicator of how they react under stress. Did they stay and work on making it better, or did they run. Did they blame or did they take responsibility.

          People tend to repeat their patterns over and over. Under stress, we all have a default way of behaving that allows is not to confront ourselves and face our fear. It’s a survival mechanism.

          The more self-aware we are, the less thrown we are to reacting and the more we’re able to RESPOND thoughtfully.

          Make sense?

      • Marin
        Reply

        This makes sense 🙂 Thanks Bruce!

  • Todd Sedelmeier
    Reply

    Bam! Fantastic and not-so-commonly known insight into personal, professional and global-level success. I can say that though my former marriage is over, we both grew exponentially because of our relationship compared to the trajectory we had individually been on before engaging one another.

    Also, I’ve had the privelage to personally witness Bruce (and his woman) develop in some of the most beautiful, intensive and inspiring ways because of their commitment to themselves to grow and to each others development.

    Looking forward to what you’ll be sharing more on with this topic Bruce.

  • Adam Gilad
    Reply

    Bruce

    A masterful expounding of that magical moment when she told us this. Great writing! And from the heart.

Leave a Comment

Contact Us

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, ASAP.

Not readable? Change text. captcha txt