Personal Development Archives

Fuck Self Love

How To Stop Trying To Love Yourself, And Start Being Happy

Having spent a lot of my 20’s and early 30’s battling mild depression, I’ve read far too many self-help books in an attempt to figure out why I was miserable with my wonderful life.

At some point, almost every book cited self esteem as the problem and learning to love yourself as the miracle cure for unhappiness.

Not one of the books actually had a step-by-step prescription for how to love yourself.

So, the question I’ve been asking myself for years is:

Exactly how the fuck am I supposed to love myself?

Do I wake up in the morning and hug myself?

Do I look at myself in the mirror (with puppy-dog eyes) and repeat the mantra “I love you, Bruce. I love you, man. You’re awesome!” over and over until I believe myself?

Do I give myself long warm baths and take myself for a massage once a week?

I can tell you, I’ve tried all of these… and although some of them temporarily made me feel better, none of them ever made me love myself any more or magically altered my self esteem at all. Read the rest of this entry

How To Be A Truly Great Leader

Have you ever dreamed of doing something truly great? Here’s what the world’s truly greatest leaders all have in common…

Earlier this year, I met Jean Oelang – the CEO of Virgin Unite, Richard Branson’s not-for-profit organization.

Jean was involved in helping select a group of the worlds greatest leaders (including Nelson Mandela) to be a part of The Elders (read more about them in the box below).

The Elders

The Elders

As I read more about the inception of The Elders, I learned that a strict criteria was used to ensure that only people of the highest caliber were selected for the group.

I personally love this set of criteria and they spoke to me in a way that called me to become the kind of person who could have been selected too.

I’m sharing them here with you in the hope that they will call you to becoming a greater version of yourself and do something truly great in your life. Read the rest of this entry

Are All Guru’s Charlatans?

An open letter to anyone who considers themselves a leader:

Have you ever witnessed an injustice so unfair that you felt compelled to stand up and yell, “FOUL!!!”

Perhaps someone else got the credit for work you’d done. Perhaps you witnessed racial discrimination.

Yesterday, a close friend accused two of my mentors of being charlatans based on speculation they had read on the internet.

The conversation went down like this:

ME: “Seeing as you’re in Bali, maybe you can connect with Roger” (one of my mentors who lives in Bali)

HER: “Yeah… lots of scams going on with him…and there’s also a huge money scandal with Werner…” (another one of my mentors).

And what followed was a stupid power struggle with me defending my mentors and her defending her point of view saying “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire…” Read the rest of this entry

Ninja Communication Skills

Did you watch the 2012 Olympic opening ceremony on Friday night?

I was chatting to a friend about it this morning and we both noted how fun it was to experience the richness of British culture watching the Queen, Mr. Bean and James Bond during the opening ceremony…

Ever noticed how when you visit some countries, you feel pulled into a magical reality, rich with meaning…

…while other countries have cultures that feel flat, repressed or shallow?

You may not have thought about it, but your relationship also has a culture

The two of you give off a “vibe” that others can pick up on. And because you spend so much time with your chosen mate, the culture of your relationship will largely determine how your life turns out, so this is an important distinction.

The question it raises is:

Is the culture in your relationship one that feels welcoming, exciting, and warm with the intimacy that comes from being fully known and deeply seen by your lover…

OR

…is the culture of your relationship one that feels heavy, cold and unsafe, where you both tiptoe around on eggshells to avoid provoking each other?

Which more accurately describes your relationship?

You most likely relate to both, depending on where you are in your lives together.

At one point, the culture in my relationship was like the culture of a war torn country – cold, hard and deserted. It seemed like every communication turned into a fight – every bid for love was seen as an attack.

I had to do something, because despite all my communication skills learned as an internationally acclaimed speaker and trainer, I still could not accomplish the simple task of getting the woman that I loved to respond to me.

The highest leverage point for creating
a “culture of intimacy” in your relationship…

The culture in your relationship is determined by your ability to communicate with your partner in a way that resolves conflict and creates intimacy.

Of course, this skill was never taught to us as we were growing up, so most of us feel emotionally shipwrecked when conflict arises during the Power Struggle stage of our relationship.

I know I did.

I discovered that the communication skills required to get me into a relationship were very different from those required to get me through the Power Struggle stage of a relationship.

So I began devouring every book and course I could find on communication and conflict resolution… And in the process, we learned a new set of communication skills that saved our relationship.

A pleasant side-effect of using these skills has been that we’ve created a culture of acceptance, unconditional love and mutual respect in our relationship, without actually setting out specifically to do so.

Learn a powerful “culture creation” tool

Conflict Resolution skills
I’m making videos as part of the launch of my new Love At First Fight relationship training program, so you can get a feel for what it’s like to learn with me.

I just finished up a new one teaching you a core skill for turning a fight into an opportunity for intimacy.

Click on the link below to watch it.

Ninja communication skills

Talk soon,

P.S. My new relationship training program is opening soon. Keep an eye on your inbox if you already know that you’re interested in joining us.

P.P.S. Even if you’re not fighting with your partner now, someday you’ll wish you had the ability to de-escalate a fight. Trust me on this one.

 

An Open-hearted Letter About A New Direction

If you read my newsletters then you’re pretty special – and no, I’m not blowing smoke up  your ass! :-)

You are in a very small group of people on the planet interested in becoming a better human being… and that is rare.

So first off, I want to say THANK YOU… for being the kind of person who doesn’t just follow the herd… for being a free thinker… for reading my blog..

Without you, my work makes no difference.

Today I want to share something more personal than usual.

You perhaps know me as the guy who teaches people to be more successful, master their mindset and attract their dream life using the Law Of Attraction.

That business has been generous to me, allowing me to travel, a passive income and the ability to live and work from a beach on an island in the Caribbean.

…and for that, I am extremely grateful.

But the time has come for me to keep growing. Read the rest of this entry

Happiness Is An Inside Job

Mark Berger

Mark Berger

Mark Berger is an interesting friend of mine and every now and then writes a passionate rant (in the form of a newsletter) to his friends. His last one reminded me of something I sometimes forget, so I’m sharing it here with his permission.

Over to Mark:

During the past 16 years I have asked thousands of my delegates “What do you really want? What are your goals and dreams?”

Their initial answers include a variety of “things” such as money, possessions, love, recognition, respect, success, health, wealth, happiness, travel, fame & fortune etc.

Then I push a bit harder and ask: “What is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you want, when all is said and done? What would you actually place right at the top of the list?” Without fail, the majority inevitably vote for Happiness. Every time! (They sometimes also refer to it as inner peace, peace of mind, contentment, joy or fulfillment.)

I must therefore conclude that happiness is a fundamental desire for most people, a primary human goal.

In fact, I believe that happiness is built into our being, hardwired to our soul.

We are all born with a natural capacity for happiness, playfulness, creativity, joy and laughter. But as we grow up life happens and many of us lose it, somewhere in the stress, busyness and pressure of our (seemingly) overwhelming responsibilities.

Or our happiness gets smothered by hurt, loss, tragedy, disappointments, hatred, anger or fear. We therefore disconnect from our core state, our birthright and move into the world searching for something which we have always had inside.

Happiness is not something you move towards. It is the place you come from.

  • It is the starting point, not the arrival.
  • It is the journey, not the destination.
  • It is the cause, not the effect.
  • Happiness is an Inside Job.

The Self-Help movement would have us believe that The Secret to life is to become clear on what you really want, set SMART goals, harness the power of intention and then as NIKE says “Just do it.” Read the rest of this entry

The Intimacy Interview

IntimacyIn this candid interview, I share openly about the ups and downs of my romantic life and how my partner and I learned to create a relationship that acts as an incubator for self awareness and personal transformation.

You’ll learn:

  • How I ended my depression without pills or therapy…
  • How letting go of everything might just get you everything you’ve hoped for…
  • How to get your romantic partner to open up to you…
  • Why waiting for your partner to initiate intimacy is a trap that never works and what to do instead…
  • How to create a safe space in your relationship in which your love can thrive…
  • How to know when it’s time to break up…
  • What to do when you or your partner wants to leave the relationship…
  • And tons more useful tips and tricks for being happy and having more love in your life…

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download as an .mp3

Enjoy…

P.S. Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you enjoyed about this interview.

5 Essential Communication Skills For Conflict Resolution

Ever wished you had a magic wand that you could wave and all the angry, upset, depressed people that you waved it at would suddenly start smiling, laughing and even jumping for joy?

Well, I have such a wand… and I made you a quick video showing you how you can get one free and how to use it….

By the end of the video you’ll know 5 essential communication skills for turning an angry person into a purring pussycat…

Once you’re done watching the video, you can download a free pdf printout of these 5 conflict resolution tips.

Let the games begin… Now go share this video with your loved ones and begin practicing!

P.S. As always, your comments are welcomed and always read. Let me know how this video impacted you and if you loved it, I’d be forever grateful if you LIKED it on Facebook and Google +1.

How To Feel Your Best Every Day

Have you ever wondered why some days you feel PHENOMENAL and other days you feel just… BLAH?

In this short 3 minute video, you’ll discover how you create both… and how to have more phenomenal days…

If you do the exercise the way I describe it in the video above, you’ll discover something truly valuable about yourself and how you go about creating your reality. This is a high leverage exercise, and I recommend doing it right now.

Here are my highest leverage activities that energize and drain me. I’d be curious to hear yours in the comments below.

ENERGIZING ACTIVITIES:

  • Eating a high protein breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up.
  • Visualizing my ideal future every morning using my Relaxation For Manifestation mind programmer.
  • Listening to an inspiring audio-book while doing mundane activities, like cooking or driving
  • Drinking 2 liters of water each day.
  • Doing creative work that keeps me in my Wealth Dynamics Profile.
  • Exercise – Kitesurfing or going to the gym
  • Leaving the house and working from a vibey coffee shop

DRAINING ACTIVITIES:

  • Avoiding anything – particularly sharing how I am feeling with my intimate partner
  • Going without eating or drinking water for more than 4 hours
  • Hanging on to resentment
  • Resisting the way things are
  • Not completing the 1 major task I set out to do for the day
  • Consistently not sticking to my calendar
  • Checking business related email before 2pm
  • Wasting time doing things that add no value to my life or the lives of others

P.S. I’d be very interested to hear what energizes and drains you? Feel free to leave me a comment below.

My Top 3 Life Lessons Learned In 2011

2011
Boy, am I glad 2011 is over!

2011 was a helluva year for me – certainly the most challenging one so far.

At the end of each year I look back and write a list of everything I learned that year… and 2011’s list was long.

So that someone other than me benefits from my mistakes, here are the most valuable 3 life lessons I learned in 2011.

LIFE LESSON #1: When I Face My Biggest Fears, Good Things Always Happen…

It was 14 May 2011 and I’m in Las Vegas standing in the wings about to be introduced to the TEDxSinCity audience as their next keynote speaker.

I’m nervous and excited at the same time…

Nervous because this is the most important speech of my life so far and if I fuck it up, I’ll look really bad in front of some of my most respected peers – and the world (watching the event live over the internet).

One year earlier, when asked if I’d like to take responsibility for organizing and speaking at the event, I almost backed out of the opportunity of a lifetime – to have the honor to speak at a prestigious TEDx event and have my work impact thousands of people on the internet.

“I just don’t have the time to put into organizing that kind of event and writing a speech…” was the pathetic excuse I came up with. Read the rest of this entry

 Page 1 of 5  1  2  3  4  5 »