Psychology Archives

Fuck Self Love

How To Stop Trying To Love Yourself, And Start Being Happy

Having spent a lot of my 20’s and early 30’s battling mild depression, I’ve read far too many self-help books in an attempt to figure out why I was miserable with my wonderful life.

At some point, almost every book cited self esteem as the problem and learning to love yourself as the miracle cure for unhappiness.

Not one of the books actually had a step-by-step prescription for how to love yourself.

So, the question I’ve been asking myself for years is:

Exactly how the fuck am I supposed to love myself?

Do I wake up in the morning and hug myself?

Do I look at myself in the mirror (with puppy-dog eyes) and repeat the mantra “I love you, Bruce. I love you, man. You’re awesome!” over and over until I believe myself?

Do I give myself long warm baths and take myself for a massage once a week?

I can tell you, I’ve tried all of these… and although some of them temporarily made me feel better, none of them ever made me love myself any more or magically altered my self esteem at all. Read the rest of this entry

Radical Forgiveness: The Perfect Apology

16 years ago, a woman I was deeply in love with suddenly left me and never came back. I never saw or heard from her again.

I found out via some friends that she had fallen in love with a friend of mine and was engaged to be married to him just weeks after leaving me.

For 16 years, I wondered why she left me… and each year, I’d try to contact her hoping to finally heal the wound that remained so raw in my heart all those years.

Radical ForgivenessToday, 16 years later, she reached out to me and gave me the most beautiful gift.

“I’m sorry”, she said, “really, heartfelt sorry for causing you pain…”

I sobbed and sobbed as 16 years of old hurt and pain (some of which I never even knew existed) began leaving my heart. Read the rest of this entry

Ninja Communication Skills

Did you watch the 2012 Olympic opening ceremony on Friday night?

I was chatting to a friend about it this morning and we both noted how fun it was to experience the richness of British culture watching the Queen, Mr. Bean and James Bond during the opening ceremony…

Ever noticed how when you visit some countries, you feel pulled into a magical reality, rich with meaning…

…while other countries have cultures that feel flat, repressed or shallow?

You may not have thought about it, but your relationship also has a culture

The two of you give off a “vibe” that others can pick up on. And because you spend so much time with your chosen mate, the culture of your relationship will largely determine how your life turns out, so this is an important distinction.

The question it raises is:

Is the culture in your relationship one that feels welcoming, exciting, and warm with the intimacy that comes from being fully known and deeply seen by your lover…

OR

…is the culture of your relationship one that feels heavy, cold and unsafe, where you both tiptoe around on eggshells to avoid provoking each other?

Which more accurately describes your relationship?

You most likely relate to both, depending on where you are in your lives together.

At one point, the culture in my relationship was like the culture of a war torn country – cold, hard and deserted. It seemed like every communication turned into a fight – every bid for love was seen as an attack.

I had to do something, because despite all my communication skills learned as an internationally acclaimed speaker and trainer, I still could not accomplish the simple task of getting the woman that I loved to respond to me.

The highest leverage point for creating
a “culture of intimacy” in your relationship…

The culture in your relationship is determined by your ability to communicate with your partner in a way that resolves conflict and creates intimacy.

Of course, this skill was never taught to us as we were growing up, so most of us feel emotionally shipwrecked when conflict arises during the Power Struggle stage of our relationship.

I know I did.

I discovered that the communication skills required to get me into a relationship were very different from those required to get me through the Power Struggle stage of a relationship.

So I began devouring every book and course I could find on communication and conflict resolution… And in the process, we learned a new set of communication skills that saved our relationship.

A pleasant side-effect of using these skills has been that we’ve created a culture of acceptance, unconditional love and mutual respect in our relationship, without actually setting out specifically to do so.

Learn a powerful “culture creation” tool

Conflict Resolution skills
I’m making videos as part of the launch of my new Love At First Fight relationship training program, so you can get a feel for what it’s like to learn with me.

I just finished up a new one teaching you a core skill for turning a fight into an opportunity for intimacy.

Click on the link below to watch it.

Ninja communication skills

Talk soon,

P.S. My new relationship training program is opening soon. Keep an eye on your inbox if you already know that you’re interested in joining us.

P.P.S. Even if you’re not fighting with your partner now, someday you’ll wish you had the ability to de-escalate a fight. Trust me on this one.

 

An Open-hearted Letter About A New Direction

If you read my newsletters then you’re pretty special – and no, I’m not blowing smoke up  your ass! :-)

You are in a very small group of people on the planet interested in becoming a better human being… and that is rare.

So first off, I want to say THANK YOU… for being the kind of person who doesn’t just follow the herd… for being a free thinker… for reading my blog..

Without you, my work makes no difference.

Today I want to share something more personal than usual.

You perhaps know me as the guy who teaches people to be more successful, master their mindset and attract their dream life using the Law Of Attraction.

That business has been generous to me, allowing me to travel, a passive income and the ability to live and work from a beach on an island in the Caribbean.

…and for that, I am extremely grateful.

But the time has come for me to keep growing. Read the rest of this entry

5 Essential Communication Skills For Conflict Resolution

Ever wished you had a magic wand that you could wave and all the angry, upset, depressed people that you waved it at would suddenly start smiling, laughing and even jumping for joy?

Well, I have such a wand… and I made you a quick video showing you how you can get one free and how to use it….

By the end of the video you’ll know 5 essential communication skills for turning an angry person into a purring pussycat…

Once you’re done watching the video, you can download a free pdf printout of these 5 conflict resolution tips.

Let the games begin… Now go share this video with your loved ones and begin practicing!

P.S. As always, your comments are welcomed and always read. Let me know how this video impacted you and if you loved it, I’d be forever grateful if you LIKED it on Facebook and Google +1.

How To Right A Wrong

In this article you’ll learn a time tested technique for becoming the kind of person that commands respect and has people knocking down their door wanting to help them succeed. An added benefit is that the opposite sex will find you

A few questions before we get started…

  • Why is it that the doors of love, wealth, power, achievement and joy seem to naturally open for some people, while for the majority of the population these things seem like pipe dreams their entire lives?
  • What magic makes people who are successful at dating and relationships different from those who are not?
  • What magic allows Richard Branson have so much influence that just by saying he plans to invest in a business increases it’s share price?

Is it their track record, their network, their skill set, their personality, luck even?

Actually it’s all of those things and more, but if you were to put a magic umbrella over them all, the answer to that question would be TRUST.

The One Single Character Trait That Will Get You Further In Life Than Any Other Read the rest of this entry

The Big Secret Nobody Wants To Tell

Here is the most vulnerable, raw talk I have ever presented. Enjoy…

If you enjoyed this talk, please click the LIKE button above and leave me a comment down below… Thanks.

Are You Selfish?

I recently posted a question on my Facebook wall: “I’m curious about what you lie to yourself about…”

A friend replied that she thinks she may be lying to herself about her “selfless” desire to help people. That in reality, she thinks she may be selfish because the benefits from the “giving”…

I’m sharing my response with you here, because I think you may find it useful… Read the rest of this entry

How To Break Your Negative Relationships Patterns

This is a continuation of the series of posts about my healing process after Amy and I split up. If you haven’t yet read part 1 and part 2, I recommend you do so after reading this.

After spinning into the depths of despair when my girlfriend (Amy) broke up with me last month, I’m on the up and up again. This is good news!

The easy thing to do would have been to take my foot off the gas after having experienced so much pain, but I know that NOW is the best time to do the important work of turning myself inside out to ensure that I don’t repeat the same patterns in my next relationship.

Adele (my ex-wife) stepped in to support me healing and recommended I re-read Harville Hendrix’s book, “Getting The Love You Want.” It was an eye opener, so much so that I want to dedicate a post to what I learned from this extraordinary relationship therapist…

Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting to the same type of relationship over and over again, even when you don’t want to? Read the rest of this entry

How To Resolve Your Core Issue In Life…

Due to the massive response to my blog post "From Heartbreak To Healing – Part 1", I have written Part 2. It's as vulnerable as the first was, if not more…

Have you ever felt like you'll never feel normal again after a heartbreak?

The last month has been a roller-coaster of emotions for me. After Amy left, I was left reeling in self doubt, confusion, betrayal and most noticeably, feeling abandoned. Every day I'd wake up and not know if the hole in my heart was going to cripple me or heal me. Abandonment has always been my core issue, my deepest seated fear… … and in romantic relationships, I have often found myself in the same place I did recently, having my partner leave and feeling abandoned and then spending weeks 'getting over it'. Of course, at an unconscious level I've attracted women who are scared of commitment and ultimately run away when the going gets tough. Read the rest of this entry
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