Did you watch the 2012 Olympic opening ceremony on Friday night?
I was chatting to Chelsea (my life-partner) about it this morning and we both noted how fun it was to experience the richness of British culture watching the Queen, Mr. Bean and James Bond during the opening ceremony…
Ever noticed how when you visit some countries, you feel pulled into a magical reality, rich with meaning…
…while other countries have cultures that feel flat, repressed or shallow?
You may not have thought about it, but your relationship also has a culture…
The two of you give off a “vibe” that others can pick up on. And because you spend so much time with your chosen mate, the culture in your relationship will largely determine how your life turns out, so this is an important distinction.
Having said that, the question that begs is:
Is the culture in your relationship one that feels welcoming, exciting, and warm with the intimacy that comes from being fully known and deeply seen by your lover…
…is the culture of your relationship one that feels heavy, cold and unsafe, where you both tiptoe around on eggshells to avoid provoking each other?
Which more accurately describes your relationship?
You most likely relate to both, depending on where you are in your lives together.
At one point, the culture in Chelsea and my relationship was like the culture of a war torn country – cold, hard and deserted. It seemed like every communication turned into a fight – every bid for love was seen as an attack.
I had to do something, because despite all my communication skills learned as an internationally acclaimed speaker and trainer, I still could not accomplish the simple task of getting the woman that I loved to respond to me.
The highest leverage point for creating
a “culture of intimacy” in your relationship…
The culture in your relationship is determined by your ability to communicate with your partner in a way that resolves conflict and creates intimacy.
Of course, this skill was never taught to us as we were growing up, so most of us feel emotionally shipwrecked when conflict arises during the Power Struggle stage of our relationship.
I know I did.
I discovered that the communication skills required to get me into a relationship were very different from those required to get me through the Power Struggle stage of a relationship.
So I began devouring every book and course I could find on communication and conflict resolution… And in the process, Chelsea and I learned a new set of communication skills that saved our relationship.
A pleasant side-effect of using these skills has been that we’ve created a culture of acceptance, unconditional love and mutual respect in our relationship, without actually setting out specifically to do so.
Learn a powerful “culture creation” tool
I’m making videos as part of the launch of my new Love At First Fight relationship training program, so you can get a feel for what it’s like to learn with me.
I just finished up a new one teaching you a core skill for turning a fight into an opportunity for intimacy.
Click on the link below to watch it.
Ninja communication skills
P.S. My new relationship training program is opening soon. Keep an eye on your inbox if you already know that you’re interested in joining us.
P.P.S. Even if you’re not fighting with your partner now, someday you’ll wish you had the ability to de-escalate a fight. Trust me on this one.